Victoria Poly 101

January Poly 101 discussion

2012-01-18T14:34:00.001-08:00

Time: 6:30 pm to 9 pm
Place: The Ledge Lounge (Government Street, Victoria, BC -- above the Bedford Hotel, across from The Bay Centre)
Topic: Poly activism

Come have a bite to eat, some poly conversation and please feel free to bring general poly questions as well!

Being poly means you get TWO Santas!

2011-12-12T11:48:00.000-08:00

A very, merry poly Christmas party was had by all -- thank you for a great year, Victoria Poly 101!

See you in January, folks!

We just couldn't choose.. but then we realized we didn't have to!

Lawyer for the CPAA explains the polygamy law ruling

2011-12-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

The Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association's lawyer, John Ince, wrote an open letter explaining why the BC Supreme Court's recent ruling on Canada's polygamy law is actually good news for poly people. Read it on the CPAA website, here: http://polyadvocacy.ca/statement-from-john-ince-what-this-decision-means-for-polyamorists

Thank you, Poly Victorians!

2011-11-25T09:47:00.001-08:00

What a great Poly 101 last night! I feel so proud to be a part of such an intelligent, aware, sexy and proactive
community! Thank you to everyone who came out for our last discussion of 2011, including out-of-towners.

Special thanks to Zoe Duff, of the CPAA for her informative and inspiring summary of the Polygamy ruling.

You all rock my world!

-- Kiki

Landmark BC Supreme Court decision announced: Polygamy Law is upheld.. with some compromises

2011-11-23T10:23:00.001-08:00

The following is a link to the BC Supreme Court's decision on Canada's Polygamy Law, which was challenged by (among others) the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association on behalf of polyamorous Canadians:

http://www.courts.gov.bc.ca/jdb-txt/SC/11/15/2011BCSC1588.htm

The Judge's decision makes a distinction between formalized poly unions and common-law cohabitation, the former being illegal, still, under the law.

Here is the CPAA's official reaction to the ruling (from their website):

http://polyadvocacy.ca/cpaa-reacts-to-bc-supreme-court-decision

Polyamorous people should be disappointed at this decision because, while it recognizes that there are some poly relationships that are NOT patriarchal, harmful and inequal, it does not decriminalize full expression of these relationships.

With these clarifications, it would seem the battle for legal recognition of ALL forms of polyamorous, adult, relationships has only begun..

Video: What Polyamory Means to Me

2011-11-03T13:26:00.001-07:00

You can also view this at The Bliss Factory on Youtube.

November Poly 101discussion

2011-11-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

What's the most difficult thing about poly for you?

Date : Thursday, November 24, 2011
Time: 6:30 pm - 9:30 pm
Location: Oak Bay Guest House (dining room), 1052 Newport Avenue Victoria, BC

What's tough about poly for you? Come share stories, questions, and solutions at Victoria Poly 101 this month!

Poly 101 monthly discussion, October 2011

2011-10-12T11:40:00.001-07:00

Thursday, October 27 · 6:30pm - 9:30pm (4th Thursday of every month!)
Location
The Ledge
Bedford Regency Hotel 1140 Government St
Victoria, British Columbia

Come join us for drinks and some lively and helpful discussion about polyamory!

This month's topic was suggested at September's meet:

Poly, change and strategies for coping with new relationships

How do you introduce changes in your poly dynamic while respecting your partner(s) need to process these changes? What do you do when some of you process things fast, others at a slower pace? How do you even communicate your feelings about wanting change, or wanting things to slow down?

Please bring an open mind, questions (non-topic-related questions are also fine!) and feel free to dress up since this IS very close to Halloween

The Bliss Factory: workshops for poly, open and sex positive people in Victoria, BC

2011-10-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

My fall schedule for workshops is up! Jealousy management, long distance relationships, threesomes, making safer sex even sexier.. these are just some of the topics I'll cover at The Bliss Factory. "Like" me on Facebook!

--Kiki

Fall schedule for UVic's PoC (Poly 101 on Campus)

2011-09-20T13:31:00.001-07:00

Another semester, another welcome letter! :) To everyone who just signed up with us at Clubs Days, welcome to the group! To old friends, welcome back! If you couldn't make our meetings last semester, hopefully this semester the timing works out better!

This club isn't limited to in-person discussion groups. We are here as a resource for information and support, available to students and non-students, to self-identified poly folk as well as those who do not consider themselves polyamorous. This email address is a great way to get in touch: send any questions/comments this way! We'd love to hear from you.

Much Poly Love,

Esha.

News:

We polled you for this semester's meeting times, and it's decided! POC will be meeting once a week, alternating Saturday afternoons at a cafe downtown and Thursday evenings on campus (Clearihue C115).

Saturdays (3 - 5pm): September 24, October 8, 22, November 5, 19.
Thursdays (6 - 7:30pm): September 29, October 13, 27, November 10, 24.
If a Thursday coincides with Victoria Poly 101's monthly discussion, we'll go there as a group instead! Like we are today. :)

This summer PoC went to Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011! I'll be posting a review in October of my experiences to the FB group, with reflections and insights from other club members who also attended.

We will be meeting once a week this semester, alternating Thursdays on campus and Saturdays at a downtown cafe. Remember, this is not a weekly commitment! You are welcome to attend as many or as few meetings as you'd like to. We welcome drop-ins--you can arrive late and leave early.

To be added to the mailing list, please contact: poly101oncampus@gmail.com

First meeting: Saturday, Sept 24th.

Facebook vs Mailing List:

This mailing list keeps you updated with club news only. The Facebook page has club updates as well as other poly-related news and tidbits.

If you are trying to find us on Facebook, look for the page, not the group. The FB group for POC: Poly101 on Campus is a secret group, to respect the privacy of members who are closeted or not out as polyamorous. The page is public and much easier to find. If you are not out as poly, but want to be added to the group, email me privately at poly101oncampus@gmail.com. (Don't hit "reply all.")

To be removed from the mailing list, just send me an email saying so!

Link to the POC: Poly101 on Campus FB page: http://www.facebook.com/poly101oncampus

September Poly 101 discussion

2011-09-11T21:11:00.001-07:00

Thursday, September 22 · 6:30pm - 9:00pm

Location
Oak Bay Guest House
1052 Newport Ave.
Victoria, BC

It's back to school time, folks! I hope you all had a fantastic summer, and I'm looking forward to hearing about it at our September discussion.

Along with our usual check-in (you can tell us about your summer, or simply your name, it's all good!) our discussion topic this month will be:

What does your poly look like?

There are probably as many different poly configurations as there are polyamorous people to think them up. Come discuss the shape of your poly relationship (or your ideal poly relationship) and marvel at how many ways open relationships can work, and work well. :)

Victoria Poly 101 at the Victoria Anarchist Bookfair, 2011

2011-08-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday, September 10 at 11:00am - September 11 at 6:00pm

Location
Fernwood Community Centre
1240 Gladstone Avenue
Victoria, British Columbia

Victoria Poly 101 has hosted a table at the annual Anarchist bookfair for the last two years; this will be our third year at the bookfair! We have an opportunity to connect with the larger community, to fundraise (we can sell poly-related items) and to attend some of the great workshops the Bookfair hosts.

Please consider coming to help me host the table (two people on a morning or afternoon shift works well). I promise you'll meet cool people and enjoy talking about polyamory! :)

Here's their website for more info on the bookfair itself:

http://www.victoriaanarchistbookfair.ca/

Poly Wanna: a guest post about Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011

2011-08-17T15:48:00.000-07:00

Soo... I promise I'll put up a big post-Polycamp Vancouver Island post soon. Meanwhile, I have a guest post from a friend of mine from Seattle who attended our camp:

by Scott Campbell on Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Been having the interesting experience lately, after being in an open relationship with Terisa for 14 years, of finally feeling ready to be truly polyamorous. I've had plenty of other girlfriends during those years, but they've always been fairly lighthearted and uncommitted, and I'm realizing now that some part of me was deliberately maintaining a distance. We've long had the joke in our family that Terisa is polyamorous, I'm a swinger, and Larry is monogamous, and there's been some truth to all three of those labels until recently.

But now I find myself wanting a more committed, emotional involvement with my other sexual partners, and in fact desiring that part of it more than the sex. I don't know whether this desire will manifest in reality or not, because currently I've got no other partners. I just feel my desires and priorities shifting. For the past couple of months I've been making deliberate efforts to be more social, after spending many months happily holed up at home not really seeing much of anybody. Been throwing a lot of darts, as they say, none of which have stuck as yet. That's a good part of why I went to Polycamp in Canada last week, and the experience there of just hanging out with a bunch of people -- none of whom I knew when I first got there -- was really eye-opening. I miss them all now like they're long-lost friends. The fact that they all live on an island that's expensive to get to intensifies the feeling of separation.

I've got no particular point to make with this ramble, I guess ... just trying to clarify some of the things I've been feeling lately. I always thought I was a good poly boy, but now I'm realizing, not so much. I've had no problems with sharing my girlfriend, but I haven't been particularly good at sharing myself. Something I'd like to try and change. Terisa is the epic love of my life, that won't be changing. But there's room for deeper feelings with other people.

So many poly sites!

2011-08-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

This list was compiled by Joreth, whose website can be found here.

Poly Collection Sites! Find poly therapists, movies, music, books, groups, events, clothing, news articles, conferences ... all in one place! Well, one place per topic :-) These websites rely on user submissions, so if you know of something that's missing, let me know!

Poly-Friendly Professionals: http://www.polychromatic.com/pfp/main.php
Poly Groups: http://www.polygroups.com/
Poly Local Events: https://sites.google.com/site/polyeventsallover
Poly Conferences: http://polyevents.blogspot.com/
Polyamory In The News: http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/
Poly Movies: http://www.theinnbetween.net/polymovies.html
Poly Music: http://www.theinnbetween.net/polymusic.html
Poly Books: http://www.theinbetween.net/polybooks.html
Poly clothing & jewelry: http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/04/poly-jewelry-clothing-and-other.html

Polycamp Love Letter

2011-08-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

Living pleasurably and compassionately are not incompatible. This is especially true if the happiness of others gives us pleasure. <3

Thank you for making my wishes come true by fulfilling yours!

These are a few of the "wishing hearts" that were attached to my tent at Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011. Campers wrote their wishes on the hearts and I could see them every time I went in and out of my tent as they fluttered in the breezes. During the course of the camping week, people would come up to me and hug me and tell me their wish just came true! I can't wait until next year.. :)

Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011 is featured on Polyamory Weekly!

2011-08-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

Cunning Minx's journal (part 1) of her time at Polycamp Vancouver Island is now up! Check it out here http://www.facebook.com/notes/poly-weekly/pw-282-naked-in-vancouver/10150250204072791:

Minx also says: If you were at PolyCamp Vancouver Island, call in to 206-202-POLY now and leave your comments and stories for this week's episode!

Victoria Poly 101 monthly discussion: informal summer pub night

2011-08-10T18:33:00.001-07:00

Thursday, August 25 · 6:30pm - 9:30pm

Location
The Ledge
1140 Government Street
Victoria, British Columbia

Come relax and catch up on Victoria Poly 101 topics and events at The Ledge. Newcomers always welcome; look for the parrot on the table

Poly 101 at the Victoria Pride Parade

2011-06-17T00:07:00.000-07:00

Victoria Poly 101 will be marching again this year in the Pride Parade and everyone is invited to join us!

The Parade starts the morning of July 10th and details are available on our Facebook event page.

Come out and show your poly pride with us!

Polyamory and Social Change: a speech for Vancouver's Anti-homophobia breakfast

2011-05-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

This morning I gave a short speech for the 7th Annual Anti-homophobia breakfast, sponsored by Vancouver's Qmunity (queer support organization). It was a tremendous boost to be included among the shining starts of Vancouver's queer activists and support network, and I thought I'd repost my speech here for those who were not able to attend. I was proud to represent the polyamorous community at this fantastic event.

Polyamory and Social Change

Introduction

Intimate relationships are the foundation of family, community and of society as a whole. When we deconstruct pre-programmed ideas of how we relate to each other on an intimate level, eventually we change the way we feel and act towards everyone we relate to.

Polyamory -- the practice of openly and honestly loving more than one person -- poses challenges for personal growth and communication that can also create an ideal background for challenging traditional relationship structures and set the stage for sex positive culture and social change.

Those who choose polyamory as a relationship style are not the only people who experience discontinuity, cultural bias or prejudice within our larger environment of heteronormative cultural assumptions. For example:

It took me only moments of online research to come up with this response to Facebook's relationship status choices and its inherent biases towards couple-centric values. This is from Onely.org (a blog about celebrating and advocating the choice of being single):

By forcing users to choose one “relationship” from a narrow range of options centering around marital status and sexual habits, Facebook perpetuates our society’s entrenched mate-mania, which over-worships the sexual-couple-unit, and marriage in particular. This bias devalues other important relationships. It devalues platonic friends and non-spousal family members. And it devalues people for whom conventional coupling/marriage is either not appealing or not an option. . .

**************
Also from the Onely blog was a good definition of "heteronormative", and it's the one I will also be using today:

We use "heteronormative" to mean the hegemonic perspective that normalizes coupled relationships. "Heteronormative" historically refers to a perspective that fails to recognize “alternative” gender and sexual identities.

***************

To come back to polyamory:

As open relationships become increasingly public and politicized, we are in need of a new cultural relationship model that is distinct from monogamy but that still demonstrates the values of love, commitment and security that are important to all human beings. Through practicing polyamory while being conscious of how we speak about and act towards everyone we relate to, it is possible to bring this model into public awareness in a way that both celebrates the unique aspects of poly while demonstrating skills that are of value to everyone.

Here are some basic aspects of polyamory which reflect and encourage social change:

- equality in relationship roles (here is where it's important to distinguish between polyamory as a choice rather than patriarchial or religious multi-partner structures, such as the polygamy practiced in Bountiful, BC).

- allowing those we love to fulfil their potential without the contraints of social expectation created by romantic or couple-centric assumptions

- embracing the fluidity of uncertainty and change within relationships, which encourages personal courage and awareness as well as good communication skills

- allowing individuals the creative ability to choose the relationship structures that work best for them

- creating new concepts and language to describe our relationships

- raising the importance of friendship to a level equal to that of "partners", creating new opportunities for social interaction and increasing value of individual qualities often overlooked in our culture (ie. loyalty, respect, honesty, simple warmth, to name a few )

Here are some ways in which we can consciously use our practice of polyamory to effect social change:

First level: Individual Action

- exploring our own feelings and realizing where our boundaries are in relation to other people's -- in other words, know the difference between your stuff and someone else's

- cultivate respect for yourself and those you relate to

- read and learn as much as possible about polyamory (online, books, media... )

- demonstrate your values through your careful choice of language

Second Level: Group Action

- organize and attend group events that are either poly focused or poly-inclusive

- bring family members and friends into contact with your poly relationships and ideas so they can become comfortable with them

- seek support groups can help with the process of "coming out" if that is a difficulty

**This is where queer community organizations can help polyamorous groups by sharing their experience of alternative parenting, community building, legal battles and personal experiences such as "coming out" stories.

The model of heterosexual couples who want to swing with another couple, or to find one bisexual person to play with, is certainly an option in the poly model, but they are by no means the only or the most common options.

Queer community is coming to recognize that poly groups are becoming another haven for people who identify as bisexual, pansexual, transgendered and exploratory in terms of gender and sexual orientation.

Just as many queers embrace polyamory as heterosexuals, and there are single people who choose to date, when they do, in an open relationship structure. Poly structures can truly span gender and sexual orientation labels and include a diverse community who are united in their desire to step outside of the heteronormative box of cultural assumptions and bias.

Third Level: Global Action

- plan and host poly conferences and events

- talk to the media about polyamory

- create your own poly media (films, books, blogs, newsgroups... )

- bring poly into the political arena

- lobby for legal change in the areas of child custody, financial rights of multiple partners, contract law as pertaining to marriage and partnerships AND the decriminalization of multi-partner marital status (which is the goal of the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association)

Conclusion:

There is an obvious connection between individual growth and social change. Polyamory provides a rich opportunity for both, as it presents both a personal challenge and a public one. It reaches people on many levels: emotional, spiritual, ethical, legal, political, economic... and in this way, it becomes a paradigm for how we can consciously change the way we think and act socially that starts on the smallest scale -- within ourselves -- and blossoms outwards to touch others through the simplest of connection: those of love and mutual respect.

Thank you.

Polycamp Vancouver Island workshop sneak preview!

2011-04-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

Workshop with Quintus on Larger Families: Intentional Communities and Communes

Quintus, a long-time Seattle poly facilitator, will be leading workshops on July 30 and August 6 at Polycamp Vancouver Island. Go to www.polycampvi.ca to get early-bird rates on a full week (July 29-August 6) of camping, workshops, family activities, hikes, and more.

Quintus' workshop will include a presentation on going beyond a poly relationship to build a poly community and family. He will share stories and pictures of what poly community can look like, so come and share your opinions and experiences! Quintus is CEO of the Washington Polycamp and facilitator of Let’s Talk Poly (Sharma Centre).

Early-bird registration ends May 31, so register now at www.polycampvi.ca!

Vancouver Poly 101 1st Meetup

2011-04-25T02:12:00.000-07:00

Wednesday May 4, 2011

5:30 to 7:00pm, at the Prophouse Cafe, 1636 Venables St, Vancouver, BC.

Bringing the Victoria Poly 101 concept to Vancouver! Victoria Poly 101 is a discussion-based group on the concept of polyamory and what it means to love more than one person ethically and openly. It has become quite successful so we thought we'd come over to Vancouver and give it a try.

Kiki Christie and Cora Bilsker will facilitate this event. Please invite anyone you'd like!

If you can't make the event feel free to join the Vancouver Poly 101 FB group

The venue is really neat: http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/14/1479940/restaurant/Commercial-Drive-Grandview/The-Prophouse-Cafe-Vancouver

Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011 Registration Information

2011-04-17T14:59:00.001-07:00

Don't miss out on Polycamp Vancouver Island: Poly Ever After. Early bird registration is open! Join us at beautiful Goldstream park, just 20 minutes from Victoria.

This is a family-friendly event for poly people--and the people who love them, poly or not! In addition to a fabulous workshop lineup that includes Cunning Minx, Franklin Veaux, and Quintus, we'll have kids activities, theme camps, adults-only activities, and of course, lots of chilling by the campfire. We're offering nine nights of camping at Goldstream's secluded Prospector and Goldminer sites, and if you get your registration in by May 31, it's only $110 for the whole week.

Full details and registration are at www.polycampvi.ca, but here are the essentials:

Camp dates: Friday, July 29 to Sunday, August 7 (two weekends and the week between)

Prices (all in Canadian funds):
Daily drop-in (price per day): $20 adult, $5 child
One night (price per night): $40 adult, $15 child
Weekend or mid-week (up to 3 nights): $80 adult, $30 child
Full week (up to 9 nights): $110 adult, $40 child

All overnight fees include all workshops and activities on the day before and after you camp. For example, if you pay for Saturday night, you may attend the workshops on Saturday and Sunday. Prices do not include food! details about cooking facilities at camp we be available on the website.

Early-bird deadline and refund policy:
The full-week registration fee increases to $140 after May 31.
Polycamp registrations are refundable minus a 10% fee until May 31.
Registrations are refundable minus a 25% fee until June 15.
Registrations are non-refundable after June 15.

You can pay by Paypal or personal cheque, by paying cash to the treasurer or registrar at any Vancouver or Victoria poly event, or of course, by redeeming a Polycamp VI bond. Visit www.polycampvi.ca to register instantly online and reserve your discount!

April Poly 101 discussion

2011-04-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

Thursday, April 28 · 6:30pm - 9:00pm
Location
University of Victoria, Clearihue A202
Victoria, BC

VP101 member (many of you know Lily) will lead this month's discussion. Topic to be announced, and I'm sure it will be a good one! I will also be there to take questions about polyamory or Victoria poly community, and give a synopsis of the Vancouver "What is Polyamory?" Panel I assisted with on April 11, 2011 for the benefit of the CPAA's court case proceedings against Canada's polygamy law. See you there!

Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011 is now taking early bird registrations!

2011-04-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Our theme this year is “Poly Ever After”.. and we anticipate having lots of fun with it!

Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011 is a family camp for polyamorous people to gather and enjoy workshops and social events in a beautiful natural setting on Vancouver Island. The venue (Goldstream Provincial Park) is only 20 minutes from Victoria, British Columbia.

Don’t miss out on the camping, workshops, costumes, family activities, hikes and more!

Click here for workshop information and to register!

Vancouver Poly Panel, April 11th! (poster)

2011-04-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

Closing arguments posted in Canadian litigation March 2011

2011-03-19T20:07:00.001-07:00

Greetings to all

Written closing arguments have been filed.
Oral closing arguments are expected to be heard between March 28 and April 8 (10 days).
The CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) has obtained the right (a first in BC) to video tape court proceedings and will do a webcast (video and sound) of the closing arguments.

The closing arguments, as well as all other documents are here.
https://docs.google.com/?tab=mo&authuser=0#folders/folder.0.0B-URIT52yhx4MDVkMDU5MDctZDM0Zi00ODQ4LWJkNWEtMWVjNmRjMGE2ZjQ0

Our closing argument was designed to piggy back on the closing argument of the Amicus, who did a great job focusing on the law generally. He also has a significant section in his brief on international law, including US. The CPAA closing is focused on the facts surrounding polyamory. John Ince intends to read the affidavits of our poly families into the record as part of the closing, as we did not present any oral evidence.

You will see from the closing arguments of the Attorneys General of Canada/BC, that they try to minimize the meaning of the literal words of the criminal law, the extent of polyamory, and the impact of the criminal law section on polyamorists so as to convince the court that the Canadian law should be upheld.

Regards,
Carole Chanteuse

Vancouver Poly Panel: April 11, 2011

2011-03-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

In conjunction with the closing arguments of the British Columbia Supreme
Court hearing on the Constitutionality of Polygamy in Canada, as it relates
to Section 293 of the Criminal Code, the Vancouver Polyamory Society and the
Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association will be hosting a Panel Discussion
on the aspects and realities of Polyamory .

The Panel Forum will take place at The Junction Pub, 1138 Davie Street, 7pm.
Vancouver, BC, on April 11th, 2011, from 7:00 to 9:00 PM.*

With this court hearing generating a significant amount of discussion
regarding the validity and constitutionality of the lifestyle choice of
Polyamory within Canada’s society, this forum will allow present
practitioners of Polyamory and those interested in learning more, an
opportunity to discuss the benefits and pitfalls of this growing lifestyle
approach to consensual conjugal unions.

Presenters from North America have been gathered to speak at this
informative forum:

*Janet W. Hardy* is a writer and sex educator, and founder of Greenery
Press, living in Oregon, USA. She has also been published as Catherine A.
Liszt and Lady Green. She is the author or co-author of ten books, including
what is commonly referred to as the Polyamory Bible: *The Ethical Slut*. She
frequently collaborates with Dossie Easton.

*Terisa Greenan* has a sharp wit and impeccable comedic timing. Based in
Seattle, she is a writer, having penned numerous short stories and two
adapted screenplays with much original content. In addition, Terisa has
directed and produced for both stage and screen. She formed Petal Films in
2007. In the fall of 2008 Terisa launched 3 Dog Pictures to showcase her new
episodic web series "Family", a series depicting a Polyamorous Triad.

*John Ince* is a lawyer, politician, an erotic arts enthusiast, and the
controversial author of a book called The Politics of Lust. He founded The
Erosha School of Erotic Massage and The Art of Loving, a sexuality center in
Vancouver, British Columbia. He is also the leader of a political party, the
Sex Party (British Columbia).

*Kiki Christie* is the founder and facilitator of Victoria Poly 101, a
polyamory discussion group in Victoria, British Columbia of over 150
members. She's been a bi/kinky/poly educator and activist for over 6 years
and has given workshops for various poly groups in British Columbia as well
as in Washington state and Austin, Texas. She is a member of the Canadian
Polyamory Advocacy Association and she is currently the Director for
Vancouver Island Polycamp.

Contact: R.Billard, karoavga@gmail.com, 604-619-0529

Victoria Poly 101 monthly discussion: Polyamory in different cultures

2011-02-28T19:04:00.001-08:00

Thursday, March 24 · 6:30pm - 9:30pm
University of Victoria (UVic), Clearihue A202

Does poly exist in other cultures, or has it in the past? How easy/difficult are poly relationships when your partner has a different cultural background? What does polyamory look like in other countries today? Come join in our discussion at UVic, same room as last month!

Ready, set... Valentine's Day compersion check-in!

2011-02-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

Hi polyfriends! With perhaps the BIGGEST holiday dedicated to couple-dom just around the corner, and a plethora of Valentine's advertising, merchandise and internets-hype telling us we should be reveling in the L-word with our Special Significant Other, I wanted to do a little check-in to find out how my friends in poly-land are coping with the mixed signals Valentine's Day brings.

Some of the feelings V-Day brings up for me are decidedly mixed, including:

- desire
- loneliness
- anxiety
- greed (for chocolate and/or sex and/or cuddles)
- compersion (hey, I *am* poly, after all)
- gratitude
- confusion
- guilt
- shame
- irony

Additionally, for those of us dating or relating to more than one special person, V-Day can be a scheduling nightmare.

This year, like the last few years, I am living alone and I anticipate V-Day will be a quiet affair. I will work, send some texts to my sweeties, and treat myself to a bubbly bath and some chocolate.

What are your V-Day poly plans? Will you spend it with a partner, or several of them? Will your partners be spending it with their other partners? Will you be sitting at home wondering why it feels twice as bad to be single AND poly on Valentine's Day? Will you ignore the whole thing on the grounds that it's a commercially-driven ploy designed to prey upon our need for love in order to sell merchandise and promote a heteronormative, couple-oriented agenda?

While I'm inclined to play down the romance and play up the compersion and caring, I, for one, will not object if you send me chocolate. ;)

Victoria Poly 101 monthly discussion: polyamory and asexuality

2011-02-08T10:04:00.000-08:00

Thursday, February 24 · 6:30pm - 9:30pm
Location: University of Victoria, Clearihue A202 (*please note: this is a different room number from last month's discussion*)

Special Guest Cole Brown from Vancouver will speak about AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network).

Cole Brown is a local asexual activist, volunteering her time to help bring awareness and visibility to the general public on behalf of those who identify as asexual. She has been giving lectures on asexuality for four years up and down the west coast.

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) was founded in 2001 to help bring asexual individuals together from all around the world. It is the largest asexual resource on the web and a source of information and support for asexual individuals and their friends and loved ones.

Read more about asexuality on the AVEN website and forum here:
http://www.asexuality.org/home/

Discussion about asexuality and poly will follow Cole's presentation.

**A small donation would be appreciated to help cover Cole's travel costs. :)

CPAA's letter to Loving More: an update on the polygamy law case in BC

2011-02-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Loving More organization.

I am writing to update you on the progress of the Canadian
litigation. We would also like to express our support and gratitude
for the support of the Loving More organization and of the Polyamory
Leadership Network both at the conference in Seattle (where we made a
presentation on the litigation) and since then. We have had donations
since then of approximately $3000 toward the cost of the litigation
and when combined with the volunteer efforts and donations of our
volunteers, that money provides us with the ability to cover initial
costs and cover some of the costs of the likely, upcoming appeals

You will recall that the litigation is about s.293 Criminal Code of
Canada, a law which criminalizes polygamy but also makes it a criminal
offence to enter into any kind of conjugal union with more than one
person at the same time,whether or not it is by law recognized as a
binding form of marriage. It is also criminal to celebrate such a
relationship and it is not necessary to prove that sex is or was
intended to be a part of it. Although rarely prosecuted, the Attorney
General (AG) of the province of British Columbia, wished to use the
section to prosecute an insular, highly fundamentalist Mormon sect
(Bountiful) which practices patriarchal polygyny and against whom
there were concerns alleged about abusive behaviours, marriage to
underage girls, etc. The AG was given advice by prosecutors that the
law was unconstitutional and, under political pressure to address the
issues alleged at Bountiful, decided to ask the court a constitutional
reference question (essentially, for a judicial and highly persuasive
legal opinion) as to the constitutionality of the law. That question
is what this court case is about.

The parties to the litigation are the Attorneys General of Canada and
British Columbia (for s.293) and the Amicus (friend of the court,
appointed to argue against s.293). The court allowed Interested
Parties to come forward and 12 organizations originally did so,
including one of the Bountiful communities and various children and
women's rights organizations and civil liberties groups. The Canadian
Polyamory Advocacy Association (CPAA) was formed to become an
Interested Party and present a polyamorous point of view to the
court.

By November all the evidence was filed with the court. Five families
from across Canada have provided to the court affidavit telling about
their family situations for which they feared they would be viewed as
criminal given the wording of s. 293. The CPAA has also filed the
results of a survey, a 500 page Brandeis Brief of research and reports
respecting polyamory, and four books supportive of polyamory all of
which are intended to show the court that polyamory is not a "fringe"
movement and that is has something of value to offer to people and
society such that it should clearly not be criminalized in any way.

In November all the opening arguments were filed and on November 22
opening arguments were begun. The AG for Canada argued that the law is
legal and could be read to require that it only become illegal to live
together as a married couple if one had a ceremony to celebrate it.
The AG for BC argued the law was legal, but if it was not, then since
the governments could only show that there were harms to patriarchal
polygyny and could not show that there were harms to polyandry, then
it was legal only if someone lived in a configuration with one man and
more than one woman. Legal counsel for the CPAA, John Ince, presented
a brilliant opening argument pointing out the challenges of both of
these positions and suggesting that the AGs might have "lost their
moral compass" in trying to argue for the constitutionality of the
section on these grounds. The BC Civil Liberties Association
arguments aligned with those of the CPAA. Other organizations argued
for reading down the law to make it constitutional or to read in
elements of abuse, disparity of power, etc.

There has been no evidence presented which indicates there are harms
to polyamory and no one has asked to cross-examine the CPAA witnesses,
so CPAA has chosen to call no witnesses or present further evidence in
court. The CPAA position is that if no harms have been shown, then
the law should be ruled as unconstitutional vis a vis polyamorous
families.

Media attention has been wide, nationally and internationally. The
CPAA has declined requests during this busy trial preparation period
to be part of a documentary and has referred requests to the Loving
More organization, which has assisted documentarians and other media
people with finding polyamorous families and people who are willing to
be interviewed. Media media attention has recently been on
patriarchal polygyny and Bountiful since the parties and many of the
witnesses, both for and against s.293, are focused on arguing about
the harms of patriarchal polygny. Some women who are members of these
communities have been able to testify anonymously to protect them from
criminal prosecution and so the court could hear their testimony.
There are also social science witnesses who have testified about the
harms of patriarchal polgyny and how they view it possible that even
in a culture such as that of Canada, we will--if polygamy is
legalized--tend toward patriarchal polygyny resulting in more
unmarried men and increased violence.
The Amicus has been questioning these experts and witnesses.CPAA legal
counsel has been working closely with the Amicus throughout the trial.

The final witnesses will be called in February and there will also
shortly be a hearing on whether the CBC--Canada's national television
station--will be able to record and televise the closing arguments.
Closing arguments will be heard sometime in late March and early
April, 2011.

Those of us volunteering with the CPAA are now promoting the holding
of Polyamory Forums by polyamorists across Canada. Polyamorists in
Victoria, British Columbia, held a forum at the University in late
2010 which received a lot of media attention. We are hoping to host
one in Vancouver shortly after the closing arguments are heard so as
to focus public attention at that time on polyamory. There may also
be one on the East Coast. We also intend to promote the Polyamory
House Party weekend.

CPAA webpage: http://polyadvocacy.ca
A blog of the proceedings: http://dearpollyamorie.blogspot.com/
Court documents and certified transcripts (caution: note that there is
a publication ban on some of the witness' statements):
https://docs.google.com/?tab=mo&authuser=0&pli=1#folders/folder.0.0B-URIT52yhx4MDVkMDU5MDctZDM0Zi00ODQ4LWJkNWEtMWVjNmRjMGE2ZjQ0

It was a pleasure to meet up with you all at the Loving More
Conference and we hope to continue our alliance and friendship in
pursuing our mutual advocacy efforts.

Carole Chanteuse
CPAA

What is Polyamory? A Panel Discussion (Part 1 of 7))

2011-01-24T22:27:00.000-08:00

Real poly people answer the public's questions in Victoria on November 17, 2010.

Vancouver Island Polycamp 2011

2011-01-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

Announcing: PolyCamp Too is now Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011, and if you're

planning on attending, we need your help this month!

We've got a new location and a longer camping experience planned. We're moving

camp to a new site: the group sites at Goldstream Provincial Park (Victoria,

BC). They offer many of the amenities of our former site, Living Forests, but

with more privacy, more space, and a forested, secluded setting. We'll also be

offering a full week (nine days) of poly camping: weekend camping with the great

workshops and kids' programs you've come to expect, and more laid-back mid-week

camping, with fire circle chats at night (weather willing!) The dates for camp

this year are July 29 to August 7.

Here's where YOU can help out:

In order to get such a great site, we had to pay a big deposit. A member of the

planning team has put the full base fee on her credit card, in the faith that

the lovely and generous poly community will step forward to help cover the cost

during the time her credit card bill's due and when we sell enough tickets to

cover the site cost.

We know most of you can't commit to camp this early in the year, so we're asking

for you to support us by buying Polycamp VI bonds. Here's how it works: You pay

$100 now per bond. You can buy as many as you want. When tickets go on sale,

each bond is worth $110 toward Polycamp VI tickets (see below for anticipated

ticket prices). If you don't use the whole $110, you'll get a refund at Polycamp

VI for the balance. If you end up not buying a ticket, you can just redeem your

bond after Polycamp VI for $110--or donate your bond to support next year's

Polycamp VI.

We need to sell 29 bonds by February 10 to make this work. If we don't, we'll

have to cancel the site reservation and reconsider site options. It would also

mean that bonds would be refunded--by February 28--at the original $100 price.

But that's not going to happen, because you all are going to support Polycamp

VI! Right?

To buy a bond, send $100 (Canadian funds, please!) via PayPal or Interac money

transfer to stellamom@.... You can also bring $100 in cash or personal

cheque to Eve at Vanpoly in January or February, or to Zoe at any poly event

listed here: www.vanisle-polyamory.com. Your bond is a personal loan to Eve

Rickert of Vancouver, BC. Polycamp Vancouver Island is not a formal

organization, so we don't have the capacity to officially channel funds as a

group.

If you have questions about how the bonds work, or about camp fees or the site,

send a message to me or post a comment here.

Anticipated ticket prices for Polycamp Vancouver Island 2011 (to be finalized):

Weekday drop-in (not staying overnight): Free

Weekend day drop-in: $20/adult; $5/child

One night (includes 2 days programming): $40/adult; $15/child

One weekend (up to 3 consecutive nights): $75/adult; $30/child

Full week or two weekends (four or more nights): $110/adult; $40/child

Thanks for your support. We're looking forward to seeing you this summer!

Many Thanks,

Kiki Christie, Director

Polycamp Vancouver Island team

Victoria Poly 101 monthly discussion: Time management and poly scheduling

2011-01-08T00:34:00.001-08:00

Thursday, January 27 · 6:30pm - 9:30pm
University of Victoria, Room number Eliot 162

Time management may seem like an obvious skill needed for successful poly relationships, but, like most things poly, there are tricks, tips and emotions involved in figuring out who you spend time with, how much time you spend, and what everyone else thinks about the arrangement.

Is Google calendar the ultimate poly tool? Or do you prefer to develop your schedule more organically? Does your bed have a signup clipboard next to it? Do you and your partners flip a lot of coins?

Please bring a paper and a pen to this discussion (I have a feeling you might need it.. )! ;)

Guest post: The Other Side of the Coin

2010-12-30T20:04:00.000-08:00

(Reposted from polyamory.com forum.)

Last night a new friend to our ever growing community asked if we could
get together to talk. She is very mono it seems but working at building
a relationship with her recently declared poly boyfriend. I agreed
without hesitation and then thought about the impact of any comments I
may have for her.

I spoke to my partner about my concerns and she pointed out that I should
get our friend to thnk and answer questions for herself as opposed to
actually injecting my opinions.

Anyone on here who knows me is aware that I am not a big fan of
mono/poly relationships. I am even a bigger non-fan of two people
starting thier relationship lives with this type of hurdle (and it is a
hurdle). But I do know they work. My biggest concern is always that each
partner has not got to experience a meaningful relationship with some
one who feels the same way about how love is shared and expressed.

She is young and as far as I know has never been in a long term
committed monogamous relationship. Immediately I have to swallow my snap
assessment and understand what I say to her could not only affect her
actions but also the heart and happiness of her boyfriend. I don't know
either person very well but still care about them as human beings and
have a responsibility not to sabotage anyone's natural relationship
progression.

So I thought I would put together some questions that I will ask her to
make her think and then hopefullly be a little more prepared and willing
to choose the best path as she sees it.

Does she truly feel monogamous?
Has she ever felt a romantic connection with more than one person? Can
she see a benefit to being open for the development and expansion of her
own relationships? Is she more traditionally conditioned mono;
influenced by the expectations of society and family? Is she internally
mono, wired to only have one romantic connection as I like to personally
put it.

What has she experienced?
Has she felt what it is liked to be someone's "one and only"? To have
some one give themselves to her willingly the same way she gives
herself? Not controlled but a willing gift of exclusivity as is the core
principle of true monogamy - a gift, not a shackle. This is important
because more than likely she will get the "grass is greener" feeling in
her relationship. I personally feel it is very important to experience
the grass on your own side of relationship nature before venturing into
another.

What are her relationship goals short term and long term?
Short term mono/poly is arguably much easier to enjoy than the
expectation of long term commitment depending on what the individual
wants
Is she a person with traditional relationship aspirations? Will she want
a standard wedding with traditional vows. If there is no long term
commitment ideals such as kids, house, marriage, and retirement planning
then I am much less reserved about exploring different relationship
types to in fact have "experiences".

How important is societal blending to her?
Is she prepared to stand her ground and push for at least acceptance of
how she loves with family, friends, co-workers and neighbors or will she
ok with keeping secrets about the reality of her life?

Who are her close friends and how will they react?
I lost most of my old friends but don't fault them. I am just too far
off their scale of comfort. I have made some very good friends though.
Is she willing to accept the potential loss of her regular crowd to be
replaced a crowd of people who largely have different views than she
does? I still struggle with this at times and have become almost like a
half-member of both, fading in and out of tangibility.

What will her parents think? For some of us, parental acceptance is not
that important in many ways. For others it would be crushing to be cut
off from our parents pride and endorsement of those we love. It's hard
to have a family bbq when your partner is not welcomed by your parents
or siblings because they "cheat" on you. I would be very concerned if my
daughter committed to a relationship with a polyamorous guy and I live
this life quite happily. Imagine if I didn't have a clue about poly? I'd
be waiting for the cheating bastard on the doorstep. You get my point.

What is her boyfriends idea of poly?
Is he looking to add a specific person or persons or is he wanting to be
open to all and any relationships that may present themselves?
Is she prepared to share him? To have him come to her bed after sharing
another woman's? Can she imagine them together and still embrace him
fully? He deserves her untainted love if she goes down this path. He
can't expect to have a partner who is holding back for the duration of
their relationship. If she can't face the reality of his other
relationships how can that be healthy for her or him long term? Is she
prepared for an ongoing cycle of his interest in others? Flirting,
discussing boundaries, the first night they have sex, the meeting of
people he is NREing over? Will she always be worried about every social
thing he attends for fear he is "hunting" or being hunted?

So I plan on meeting her and asking questions more than giving my own
perspective. She will probably ask why I am so happy with my
relationship and my short answer is always, my mono needs were met and
the planets basically had to align for me to be happy in this...truly
happy. Yes I have my worries and areas of concern but every night I go
to sleep and morning I wake up I am happy in knowing I love my partner
and we are family.

Those moments before sleep and just after waking are very telling times
for me. They are the gauge of my health and happiness.

Images from "What is Polyamory?" a panel discussion

2010-12-20T15:32:00.000-08:00

I thought it was time to post a few pics from the highly successful and educational poly panel discussion that took place at UVic in November, 2010.

Cherish, Zoe and Quintus (speakers) and Cora (panel moderator)

Brad, Kiki and Captain (speakers)

Monday Magazine's article on the panel (Q & A)

Guest post: A Poly Book in the Human Library

2010-12-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine recently participated in a local event called the Human Library. Apparently this idea has been catching on for some time, and you can read more about the concept of people as "living books" humanlibrary.org.

Here's what she had to say about her experience as a book about polyamory:

I was part of a human library event that was two days long a couple of weeks ago. The event required me to take a vacation day from work, but it was a vacation to remember, so I am glad to of used the time. First of all some back ground on how it worked. The entrance way to the university library had comfy chairs and side tables where we could all take our readers to talk. We sat in chairs to one side behind a desk where there was a binder of all our book titles and an intro. People would come by and look at the binder and decide who they wanted to know more about.

Topics ranged from California same sex marriage laws to someones experience moving from Ontario to Florida during a tornado... and someones experience of ageism on campus to another who was experiencing what it was like to be a Chinese person come to school in Western Canada ...very diverse. I was by far the most taken out book it turned out. Exhausting! My friend was there for a time also talking about poly but from the intro kind of angle and she left early so I was it for the afternoon.

It was so much fun and so interesting what people wanted to talk about. I was willing to share about my experiences as a mistress/domme, my journey of discovery of my sexuality and my journey to get to where I am today in my poly relationships... most people were into hearing about the latter although there were definite over laps. I talked a lot about my experiences as a younger woman and how I created my goals for family and how I began making my dreams come true... true to me, no one else and how we can all do whatever our creative minds decide... there is room for all of what we want to do, regardless of what it is...

What I found most interesting were the students from abroad that were interested in and thought poly made sense, but didn't know how to normalize it for themselves. Why students from abroad I have no idea. I talked a lot about jealousy too and how to handle it. There were some people that just plain looked confused and defensive and that brought up odd feelings for me as I felt myself feeling less assured that I am "okay" and noticed I started closing down. Instead of doing so I asked them questions and brought out their relationship style and marketed the concept of we are all different. That seemed to work.

It was fascinating to be taken out by people who didn't know me and who were brave enough to engage in a process like that. When they flipped through the book they had no idea who they were going to get when they looked a the assembly of people sitting there. It was a bizarre feeling... we all wore shirts that made us all look the same... they said, "don't judge a book by it's cover" on them. They were all "man" shirts. Very unflattering... heh, seriously though, why can't they make a shirt that is unisex. Could they not of had womens t-shirts made? That was my only complaint.

There is a plan to do this event next year and I will be really excited to do it again... look out for it!

Rumour has it...

2010-12-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

I've heard rumblings of a Victoria poly men's group in the works. Apparently they call themselves the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (LXG for short) and will be starting up regular discussion nights soon.

Knowing how extraordinary the men in our poly community are, I'm excited to hear about this much-anticipated gathering! Good luck, gentlemen.. please let us know how you progress!

~Kiki

Loving More workshop: Facing a Monogamous World

2010-11-22T13:21:00.000-08:00

This is the last installment of workshop reviews from the Loving More Poly Living conference in Seattle, 2010, that I attended. I feel like I was saving up writing about this one for reasons which didn't really become clear to me until I woke up this morning to read a poly friend's blog post which was answering what amounted to a hate-letter from a monogamous-identified woman who obviously felt very threatened by the very idea of polyamory.

Mixed in with my disappointment and anger at the attack was the feeling, for me, that there is still a long way to go in educating the mainstream population about not just polyamory, but about basic human rights and decency (I'll leave out the desire to see better grammar, though as an English teacher lack of punctuation does tend to colour my opinion of the person doing the writing).

Anyway, this is all a rather personal preamble to my review of a very stimulating and inspiring workshop presented by Pepper Mint, a San Francisco educator, organizer, activist, and social theorist in the polyamory and BDSM movements. Pepper's contribution to polyamory includes advocacy and organization of local poly events in San Francisco, as well as his excellent blog, Freaksexual.

His workshop offering at the conference centred on an interactive discussion brainstorming ways in which living in a mono-centric world affects our lives as polyamorous people.

The workshop's opening statement: "Most of the problems we face being non-monogamous come from living in a monogamous world" pulled no punches. We are in a misunderstood (and often ignored) minority. Not only are there cultural biases (and institutionalized ones) against polyamorous relationships, these biases create power imbalances which perpetuate the feeling of being different (or even persecuted) if you choose to have more than one partner.

Pepper also reminded us that not all biases come from without -- we ourselves, as products of a monogamous social paradigm -- have embedded and unconscious assumptions about possessiveness, territoriality and competition within relationships that require us to do a lot of extra emotional work to be comfortable with our own poly desires.

Finally, there is the phenomenon of expectations and even "etiquette" that is created within the sub-culture of polyamorous communities themselves. We need to remind ourselves that simply because we enjoy the company of other poly people because they make us feel included within the context of a larger mono-centric world, there is no poly "rule book" or "one true way" to be polyamorous, though you often wonder reading poly forums and faq's referring to poly "definitions" and practices.

I enjoyed the honesty and tough issues that were brought up in this workshop; it's not an easy thing, especially in an environment where you're feeling safe and accepted among your poly peers, to admit that it's a big, often cold and sceptical monogamous world out there that for the most part isn't terribly interested in people doing anything different from the norm. To be poly in a monogamous world is to be different, and it's up to each of us to choose whether we want to hide, or advocate for change. Either choice involves hard work and a certain amount of courage.

Cunning Minx and Pepper Mint at Poly Living, 2010.

November's Victoria Poly 101 monthly discussion: "Finding and building poly community"

2010-11-11T14:40:00.001-08:00

Finding and building poly community

Thursday, November 25 · 6:30pm - 9:00pm

Please note new location for this discussion: University of Victoria, Elliot 162, Victoria, BC

****************************

What poly groups are out there? What is their focus (eg. dating, socializing, activism, discussion.. )? What other alternative or alternative relationship style groups are there (eg. swingers, queer/bi, asexual, sex positive, kinky.. )?

Having recently returned from the Loving More Poly Living conference in Seattle, WA, I have lots of ideas for poly community (and beyond) to share with you. Come bring questions and ideas to discuss about our own local community and more.

Panel Discussion on November 17, 2010: "What is Polyamory?" in Victoria, BC

2010-11-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
VICTORIA, BC

Polyamory Panel to Take Public Questions
Should the government decide who we sleep with? That’s just one question on the minds of members of the growing polyamory movement, who feel they are under attack by a Canadian law that is under review this winter. The controversial law is considered a tool to target polygamists, but it could also be used to send others to jail, says Kiki Christie, a spokesperson for the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association (CPAA).

Polyamory is a practice in which consenting adults can have more than one romantic partner, but it is fundamentally different from the polygamy that is causing concern for lawmakers and the public, says Christie. For example, it does not give special rights to men, assign spouses to underage people, or teach its customs inside closed communities. That’s just the beginning. “Polyamory is a post-modern, ethical and compassionate relationship style that begins by assuming that love is not limited,” says Christie, who acknowledges that the practice is not well understood, with outsiders frequently comparing it to swinging or cheating. “Polyamory advocates are making waves in the upcoming court case, but many people still don't understand how polyamory is different from polygamy.”

A panel discussion at UVIC entitled “What is Polyamory?” on November 17th aims to dispel myths and raise awareness for the movement. The media, students and public are invited to find out more and bring their questions.

Hosted by Poly 101 on Campus, a UVIC student society club, the event will feature polyamory supporting service providers, counsellors, polyamorous people and people in relationships that are polyamorous.

The panel comes at a time when curiosity about such relationships is building. On November 22nd, the BC Supreme Court will sit for at least 40 days to hear witnesses and re-examine the law, Criminal Code s. 293, which criminalizes relationships with more than two people as soon as they choose to make a formal commitment. The CPAA will be on hand to represent polyamorous people across Canada, and to argue for clarity in the law.

With only volunteers, a part-time lawyer and a small amount of funds, calling and interviewing witnesses will be hard without last-minute support, says Christie. Those who wish to support CPAA financially may donate at the event or www.polyadvocacy.ca/donate

"What Is Polyamory?" panel takes place on Wednesday, November 17, 2010 at 7 pm, at the University of Victoria, in the David Strong Building, Room C103.

-30-

POLY 101 ON CAMPUS
Poly 101 on Campus is a UVSS club that evolved from students attending a local discussion group called Victoria Poly 101 to meet, discuss and support each other in the exploration and the practice of ethical consensual non-monogamy.

CPAA
CPAA advocates on behalf of Canadians who practice polyamory. It promotes legal, social, government, and institutional acceptance and support of polyamory, and advances the interests of the Canadian polyamorous community generally. Section 293 of the Criminal Code of Canada purports to outlaw polyamorous people living together as families. It penalizes us as soon as we make a serious commitment to one another.

CANADIAN CRIMINAL CODE S. 293 FULL LEGAL TEXT
Confirm in context at http://laws.justice.gc.ca/eng/C-46/page-6.html#codese:293
(1) Every one who
(a) practises or enters into or in any manner agrees or consents to practise or enter into
(i) any form of polygamy, or
(ii) any kind of conjugal union with more than one person at the same time, whether or not it is by law recognized as a binding form of marriage, or
(b) celebrates, assists or is a party to a rite, ceremony, contract or consent that purports to sanction a relationship mentioned in subparagraph (a)(i) or (ii), is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years.
Evidence in case of polygamy
(2) Where an accused is charged with an offence under this section, no averment or proof of the method by which the alleged relationship was entered into, agreed to or consented to is necessary in the indictment or on the trial of the accused, nor is it necessary on the trial to prove that the persons who are alleged to have entered into the relationship had or intended to have sexual intercourse.

CONTACTS
Polyamory Panel Discussion organizer:
Cora Bilsker 250-507-1674, poly101oncampus@gmail.com
CPAA spokesperson:
Kiki Christie, kikichristie@gmail.com

Loving More workshop: Poly Dating 101

2010-11-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

I was really looking forward to attending Poly Dating 101, offered by Cunning Minx (the host of Polyamory Weekly). Being the tech-savvy lady that she is (ok, she's a self-proclaimed geek), Minx has provided us with her superb slideshow on the blog, here. This makes my job a lot easier, as I can just highlight what I enjoyed most about the workshop.

The basic premise of the workshop was creating strategies to figure out our own dating needs and how to present them to potential partners. This twofold goal of "know thyself" and "communicate effectively" was niftily packaged in what Minx calls her "User's Manual", which is exactly what it sounds like. She encouraged us to write our own manuals, both for the purpose of self-exploration and to give to other people so they know what makes us tick.

Starting with basics such as family history, values and even (or maybe especially!) personal baggage, our user manual should also include sexual preferences and relationship goals. "You don't want to lose a relationship because you don't know what you want," says Minx, because "only you know what will make you happy."

My favourite part of the workshop, however, was our lively discussion of how to enter into an existing relationship as a "secondary" partner. Her assertion that we are all "second to none" when it comes to relationships made me sit a little higher in my chair, since I am currently in several relationships with people who already have primary partners.

I really loved the intelligent interactiveness of this workshop; many of the participants brought their own insights and wisdom to the collective poly table, and I left feeling lucky that I have chosen to conduct my relationships within a community that understands and honours individual feelings and each unique connection.

I want to thank Cunning Minx for her hard work in bringing information, laughter and a whole lot of sexiness to what could be seen as a daunting process -- dating polyamorously.

Cunning Minx autographs my User's Manual at the Poly Living Conference..

Change in Victoria poly discussion group: 201

2010-11-02T11:12:00.000-07:00

Due to the increasing number of poly discussion groups in Victoria the organizers of Poly 201 have decided to retire the group.

There is, happily, ample opportunity for poly discussion to take place at Poly 101 on Campus (weekly meetings), Victoria Poly 101 (monthly discussion), the Poly Women's Group (non-monogamous relationship focus, monthly discussion) and Vanisle Polyamory's monthly meet and greet. Please come out and meet poly people at whatever venue you feel most comfortable as there is a LOT to choose from in Victoria -- lucky us!

If you would like more information about these groups, or the Vancouver poly group, see the links on the sidebar of this blog.

Upcoming fundraising and poly awareness event in Victoria, BC

2010-11-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

Poly 101 on Campus is hosting a panel discussion in order to raise community awareness of polyamory and to fundraise for the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association. This event is open to the public and the media. Click here for the Facebook event.

Wednesday, November 17 · 7:00pm - 9:00pm
David Strong Building C103

Ring Rd. UVic

Victoria, BC

Dossie on Jealousy: a synopsis of her Poly Living Workshop, 2010

2010-10-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I (and several of my friends) wanted to attend the Poly Living Conference this month was the opportunity to meet and listen to the co-author of The Ethical Slut, Dossie Easton. Practically every person who explores the history and literature of polyamory has read this book, and whether or not we think of ourselves as sluts, pretty much all of us try to adhere to the ethics of open, honest relationships that bring our partners as much pleasure as they do ourselves.

Much of what Dossie has to say in her work as a writer and therapist revolves around the idea that we are not born "perfect" at what we do -- anything, even learning to love, takes work and awareness. I loved how she spoke directly and with humility about her own experiences, mistakes and challenges. Dossie definitely gets across the message that love and sex are experiences within the human realm, and therefore subject to all kinds of difficult (as well as blissful) feelings.

I decided at the last minute to attend her workshop on "Making Friends with Jealousy". After all, I've been attending and leading poly discussions on this topic for many years, not to mention wrestled with my own jealous demons over the course of my poly life -- what could possibly be said that I didn't already know? Turns out I was glad I went.

I've been feeling very scientific lately, so when Dossie announced that she was going to focus on the physiology of jealousy, I perked up. So many people try to find deeply buried emotional reasons for jealousy (and for love, and attachments in general) that coming at this most complex and frightening of emotions from the perspective of our biological self seemed somehow comforting --like maybe jealousy is something I don't need to feel so guilty about experiencing.

Dossie introduced us to our amygdala: essentially the region in our brain where emotions are experienced. There have been, she said, great advances in brain research regarding the physiological components of emotional experience via hormones (such as the stress hormone, hydrocortisone, which is produced by our adrenal glands in response to stressful situations -- essentially, our fight or flight mechanism).

So, in terms of the experience of jealousy, there is a lot going on that is autonomic, or that our bodies are doing without our even realizing it, and this affects our perception of the situation. Dossie listed several things we can do, however, to mitigate the effect of our very human reaction to what we perceive as a dangerous situation (eg. when we feel jealous):

1. Take care of yourself. Schedule times for gratification and things you love doing but don't otherwise get the chance to do. If you can do these things when your partner is out on a hot date with someone else, so much the better!

2. Create a container for your jealous emotions so that you can experience them but not allow them to spill over and affect all aspects of your life and interactions. We get in trouble, she says, when we pretend not to feel something we are actually feeling. (Dossie herself cheerfully admits that she still gets jealous, but after 40 years of working on it, "it's sort of a non-event".)

3. Because we can't solve conflicts in a state of stress, taking at least 15 minutes to calm down (through breathing, meditation, or visualization -- or, depending on personal preference, gentle exercise) will actually "reset" our amygdala and increase our capacity to calm down the next time we get stressed. I thought this was pretty cool, and it also explains why handling jealousy does get easier the longer you address it.

4. Use distraction to deflect the cyclic process of negative thought patterns. This doesn't always work, but it can be an effective tool to derail some of the negative self-esteem chatter than crops up in our minds when we're feeling like we might lose someone's love or attention.

5. Release and banish the "shoulds". There is no one "right" way to feel. Just let your feelings be what they are (this is what she means by "making friends with your jealousy"). At this point in the workshop, Dossie took us through some breathing exercises and a short guided meditation/visualization of what our own jealousy looked like. We were encouraged to try and open a dialogue with our jealousy in whatever form we envisioned it and afterwards we shared this experience with others in the room. (I liked this exercise a lot, because it reminded me of one in my Buddhist practice called: "befriending your demons".)

6. Finally, she reminded us to focus on what we can control in our lives, and to practice letting go of what we can't. As poly people, we know that we cannot (and should not try to) ever, ever control our partners' feelings. We can, however, feel pretty confident that we can control our own feelings with the help of some relatively simple tools and the knowledge that sometimes, managing scary feelings is as easy as shutting off the hormonal hot-water tap and allowing ourselves to rest.

My thanks to Dossie for leaving us with the assurance that we are all beautiful human beings who have valuable things to contribute in terms of wisdom and love.

VanIsle-Poly Social & Discussion Group's 10th Anniversary

2010-10-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

Friday, November 5 · 7:00pm - 11:30pm
Tudor House Sports Bar
Victoria, BC

Come and celebrate TEN YEARS of poly community building on Vancouver Island. Dancing, great food, and a call to all alumni to drop in for a visit. Birthday Girl kisses and/or poly pins to any who donate to the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association at the party. (Cash or cheque)
We've come a long way - but there's a long way to go.

Zoe Duff, moderator of Vanisle poly says:

From an idea that there must be others who shared a philosophy to meet & greets in Victoria & Nanaimo, Victoria Poly Dating group, and the seed from which sprang Victoria Poly 101, Poly Kelowna, Poly 201 and Poly Women. From camping trips, retreats, workshop weekends to Polycamp Too and beyond. Hard work and sometimes discouraging but always most delightful and definitely an exciting ride.

Thank you for all your support, interest and for being a part of this wonderful decade of poly community building. Let's PARTY!!!!!!

Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association at Loving More's Poly Living

2010-10-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

The CPAA at Loving More Conference!

Oct 26th, 2010

We are back home–inspired, very grateful and exhausted! The CPAA attended the American Poly Living 2010 conference in Seattle (organized by Loving More, the leading national polyamory organization in the US) . And not only did we attend lots of great workshops, but Zoe and I (Carole) presented a workshop on our Canadian court case! (here at http://www.slideshare.net/polychickbc/cpaa-presentation10-23-2010).

Read more of this blog post on the CPAA's site, here...

Loving More workshop: Who needs a safer sex elevator speech? YOU do!!

2010-10-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

"If someone asks what your safer-sex protocols are, can you answer in two minutes or less?"

Reid Mihalko's workshop: "Creating Your Safer Sex Elevator Speech" tells you just how to do it. Intriguing twist on that oh-so-necessary poly conversation, no? I thought so, which is why I decided to attend this workshop.

I have to confess that I managed to be late for this one, due to the fact that the friend I attended the conference with and myself were staying across town at my lover's home. I'm lucky to have a wonderful partner in Seattle, but I forget sometimes that driving across the city early in the morning (especially a foreign city) takes a bit of extra time. Oops. Anyway, breakfast was delicious and the portion of the workshop I did manage to see was great, especially the group exercise at the end.

Reid, by the way, is an engaging presenter, well-accustomed to talking about sex. He's a polyamorous sex coach, counsellor and spokesperson for healthy relationship choices. His website, reidaboutsex.com, is packed with great advice and links and I recommend checking it out.

Back to the elevator speech. Reid pointed out that it's important to cultivate self knowledge before figuring out what to tell someone else about your safer sex preferences. Sounds familiar, right? It's also sort of difficult, as I found when I tried to write my own speech. To begin with, figuring out what your physical needs are should be balanced with what your emotional needs are regarding sex. Do you feel you just can't live without a fluid bond with an intimate partner? Make sure you say this, so your partner knows that condoms and testing will be mandatory with their other partners. Do you find latex sexy? Do you find condoms awkward for oral? There are many ways to work out a balance between people if you can actually start with your basic needs.

The other really important question we need to ask ourselves is: "What are you ok with getting?" Some STI's are not life threatening, but they may impose a social stigma on the person who carries the infection (HSV is one example). Since NO form of partnered sex (except maybe for web camming and mutual masturbation across the room from each other) is 100% safe, we use the term safer sex because we need to recognise as responsible adults that we are taking a risk. It's up to each of us to decide what our risk limits are and to express them clearly to our potential partners.

If this all sounds rather unsexy, Reid points out that it doesn't have to be. On the contrary, he's honed his matter-of-fact elevator speech to the point where it can actually be used as a great conversation opener at poly conventions and nightclubs. Another benefit to opening a safer sex conversation with a potential partner is that you get to see their reaction to the topic. If they seem uncomfortable or awed by your amazing sense of planning and forethought, you might want to reconsider sleeping with them, since they probably don't think much about testing or safer sex themselves. If, however, they respond with aware enthusiasm and offer their own list of requirements, it's a good bet they've given safer sex some serious thought and you're good to go!

We were then asked to write our own speeches, composed of how we describe ourselves (eg. poly, queer, kinky librarian), when we last got tested, what we were tested for and the results, our safer sex needs (eg. condoms for PIV and anal sex but not oral, disclosure of the STI status of a partner's other partners), what we like, sexually-speaking (eg. cuddling, blow jobs, spanking) and what boundaries we have that we won't cross (definitely NO sex with the cat in the room!).

The moment of truth came, and we paired up to give our elevator pitches. While it was a bit awkward starting out, it was rather fun and I relaxed once I got into it. Talking about sex -- even safer sex requirements -- can be sexy! Wow, go figure!

I think the most valuable thing I got out of the workshop was the clear message that demystifying safer sex into a planned (and not terribly long and rambling) speech helps to separate someone's STI status from their sexual attractiveness. If you're willing to be creative and communicative, there is always *something* sexy two (or more) people can figure out. And hey.. we all know how sexy communication is, don't we, poly people?

Don't let your safer sex communication style (or lack of it) limit your sexual choices!

I caught Reid presumably trying out his elevator speech on Cunning Minx during the book signing.. she seems to have found it pretty amusing!

Poly Living Conference: Workshop on Human Origins and Poly

2010-10-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

One of the workshops I really wanted to attend was presented by Leanna Wolfe, PhD and titled: "Human Origins and Polyamory: when did it all begin?" I admit I was especially interested in this workshop because I'd just read Christopher Ryan's Sex at Dawn, the book that is giving scientific credibility to the concept that coexisting peacefully with more than one sexual partner not only has historical validity, it makes anthropological and evolutionary sense as well. (In fact, as Christopher Ryan put it in his presentation, it's the only explanation that DOES make sense for the way humans have evolved sexually when you consider the volume of research that's accumulated). I'm not a scientist or psychologist, but I'm a good enough librarian and teacher to know the importance of research.

Leanna Wolfe is one such researcher. She is a sexual anthropologist who works as a college professor, social theorist and clinical sexologist, and who has had a longstanding interest in polyamory both as a researcher and as a participant. Her workshop provided factual background on the debate (which is currently heating up) on whether monogamy, or some form of non-monogamy is more "natural" to humans.

The presentation covered a lot of material, beginning with a detailed summary of human characteristics that researchers have identified as being critical to the development of human social/sexual behaviour. She discussed the concept of maternal provisioning (the need that mothers caring for dependent infants have for someone else to provide them with food and shelter). There is, she says, no evidence that "sex for meat" exchanges took the form of monogamous pair bonds, and in fact there is current evidence among cultures that live primarily as "immediate return" hunter gatherers that this exchange takes the form of non-monogamous bonds within a community.

The fact of "sperm competition" (there is ample physiological evidence that this occurs in humans and in our closest primate cousins, chimpanzees and bonobos) means that successful reproduction depends on females having sex with many males within a short timespan rather than with one exclusively. (This section of the workshop produced one of my favourite quotes of the conference: "Sperm is complicated!" meaning that different components of human sperm serve different purposes, from blocking and attacking other males' sperm to insemination.)

Cultural and social components were also discussed in the workshop. The feeling of NRE (New Relationship Energy) that poly people so often refer to is seen as one of the biggest challenges to the poly paradigm (though not impossible to deal with, as many of us have found). Independence and individuality, so valued in the Western world, are cultural paradigms that can encourage monogamy, which makes being poly a challenge in a world oriented toward "coupledom" (more about this in a future blog post about Pepper Mint's workshop: "Facing a Monogamous World").

The workshop gave a great overview of anthropological research on this fascinating topic. In the end, Dr. Wolfe left us with the thought that whatever is most "natural" depends not only on physiological characteristics or environmental conditions, but on culture as well. We cannot lift ourselves completely out of the context of our current cultural paradigm, but we can (and those of us who are polyamorous DO, all the time) make a conscious choice to creatively adapt a different style of sexual behaviour that feels natural for us. Whether this style is monogamy, serial monogamy, polyamory or something completely different is up to the many factors and complexities that have combined to evolve human primates.

Loving More's Poly Living Conference, Seattle, 2010: 1st blog of many!!

2010-10-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

Whew! Well, I'm home from the conference and my head is spinning while my heart is happy from all that poly goodness! I met some fantastic people and heard much poly wisdom and I'm going to be slowly uploading it all to this blog over the course of the week, so stay tuned!

My first impressions are: "Wow! What a lot of work conferences are to organize!" and.. "Robyn Trask and the crew at Loving More make it look sooooo easy!" Many many thanks and kudos to them for their accomplishment!

The conference took place over the course of a weekend, which meant six workshop slots in total (you can read about them on the conference site, here). I attended five (ok, I was up a bit too late Saturday night to make it to the early Sunday workshops, but hopefully you'll excuse me because I'd not seen my Seattle sweetheart for several weeks.. I was, uh, busy practicing what I preach). ;)

Most of the attendees were seasoned poly members of various polyamory and sex positive groups across the globe and many were leaders in their poly communities. The workshops were not only informative, but were also exciting thinktanks for new and creative ideas on how to think about, learn about and teach about polyamory. I feel privileged to have been a part of this.

Some of the poly leaders and luminaries in attendance were: Dossie Easton, author of The Ethical Slut, Cunning Minx, host of Polyamory Weekly podcast, Alan, the webmaster of Poly in the News, Christopher Ryan, author of Sex at Dawn, Pepper Mint, of Freaksexual, Mim Chapman, author of What Does Polyamory Look Like?, Curt Bergstrand, author of Swinging in America, and several executive committee members of the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association.

Over the course of the weekend I got to chat, listen to, discuss with and giggle with all of these lovely people, many of whom I look forward to seeing and working with again. Events like Poly Living remind me that the world can be a friendlier and more connected place, not only through the magic of the internet and air transportation, but through the willingness of people to share themselves, their dreams, and their determination to be utterly themselves regardless of what our cultural norms tell us we *should* be. As Dossie herself said to us in her keynote speech: Success comes from the willingness to appear foolish and to reach outside the box.

Getting to meet Christopher Ryan at the book signing was awesome!

Me, with my first edition of The Ethical Slut.

Sharing a cuddle with Dossie after she signed BOTH my editions of The Ethical Slut!

With Pepper Mint, doing some poly networking!

Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association news

2010-10-16T18:46:00.001-07:00

Poly Love may be Criminalized in Canada. The Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association is asking for both funds and community support to resist this attack on our community.

Please fundraise or donate! Consider holding a poly community pub night or event for the CPAA. We have been operating a very tight, totally volunteer driven campaign on a very limited budget and we’re now starting to have expenses in excess of our $1,100 of seed money. (see below for more info on what we’ve managed to do on those funds! Holy cow!) For continued effective and more fulsome representation on this issue, a donation of any amount would be very helpful. Please send a Paypal payment to donate@polyadvocacy.ca or send email to support@polyadvocacy.ca for instructions on how to send a cheque.

Trial begins November 22! Consider organizing a community event that day or the weekend before to celebrate polyamory and show your support. Send us pictures or a blurb. Talk with your MLA or your MP about polyamory and tell them that loving families should not be criminalized just because they involve more than 2 adults in a marriage-like relationship. Our governments need to know that ordinary Canadians do not want poly to be criminal.

Background: As many of you will recall, the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association (CPAA) was formed by well known people in the polyamory community to advocate for polyamory in the Canadian court case on Canada's criminal law against multiple, conjugal living arrangements and polygamy (s. 293 Criminal Code). The court is going to be giving its opinion on whether the law breaches the Charter of Rights and is unconstitutional.

The CPAA’s view is that the law absolutely affects the fundamental freedoms and rights of polyamorists and should be struck down. Loving, families should not be criminalized just because they involve more than 2 adults in a marriage-like relationship.

While the law has seldom been enforced (and was recently aimed at fundamentalist Mormons in BC), scarily it promises 5 year jail sentences to participants, and those assisting/attending celebrations. Visit the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association facebook page or our website at polyadvocacy.ca for more information.

Litigation activities and updates: A small group of us got together and formed the CPAA. We got:

-donated seed funds of $1100, now spent on activities (see below)

-a volunteer pro bono lawyer (for a limited amount of time)

-obtained "interested person" status in court

-did a survey of the Canadian poly community which we put into court as evidence

--found 5 witness families from across Canada to swear affidavits about their family stories into court (more volunteered too, thank you!)

--made a pre-trial application to ask the governments to clarify whether they believe polyamorous families’ are criminals under the law (application refused BUT the good news is that the application helped us clarify to media and others that polyamory is very different culturally and in practice than in religious, patriarchal polygamy).

-put into court a 500 page brief of expert and social science evidence as well as 4 books

We are now preparing for the court dates beginning November 22. This includes identifying the witnesses we propose to call and to cross-examine and preparing 2 statements of submission.

Government position: The governments of BC and Canada have so far refused to say that polyamorous conjugal households are not criminal under s. 293. Canada has said nothing about its position on the law but is expected to argue that it applies to polyamorous relationships and is constitutional. BC says s. 293 does criminalize polyamorous households. However, if necessary (if the court thinks 293 breaches the Charter of Rights), then BC might take the position that the law should not be applied to polyamorous relationships. That doesn’t make us feel very safe. Even worse, BC has since put forward evidence and made statements at the pre-trial hearing indicating it might argue that polyamory should be included in the criminal law, particularly polyamorous households in which there is one man and more than one woman (polygnous arrangements).

Please feel free to email us if you have any questions or concerns (support@polyadvocacy.ca). We also have forums open on our website

Seattle Bound for Loving More's conference!

2010-10-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

Hey VP101ers,

I wanted to send out a GINORMOUS group hug to all of you who contributed to the generous gift of my registration fee for the Loving More Poly Living conference in Seattle this month! I had pretty much given up on going due to my abysmal financial circumstances and I am overwhelmed and touched by your gesture (along with the wondrous stealthiness of my amazing girlfriend for masterminding the whole plot behind my back). *melts*

My brain is already working overtime on everything I need to do to bring VP101 to the North American poly stage in style and I'm going to make sure I take lots of pics and video during the conference for our blog. Let's put Victoria on the poly map!!!

Your excited and still utterly stunned facilitator,

Kiki

A Synopsis from last night's Poly 201 discussion on: Metamours (by Zoe Duff of VanIsle Poly)

2010-10-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

Meta- (from Greek: μετά = "after", "beyond", "with", "adjacent", "self"), is a prefix used inEnglish (and other Greek-owing languages) to indicate a concept which is an abstraction from another concept, used to complete or add to the latter.

Amour is the French word for love, an intense feeling of affection. It may also refer to: Amour(musical), a stage musical written by Michel Legrand ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amour

So...."metamour" is "after the musical"? oh....like applause? woohoo!!! I"m the applause??? oh yeah bbbbaby (chuckle)

Well....maybe but no... a metamour is

In a polyamorous relationship, where your lover has more than one lover, a metamour is the name given to your partner's other lover(s).
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?...metamour

Interesting discussion at the Poly 201 group meeting last night. This is a smaller group than the Poly 101 and more devoted to the fine tuning of practical poly than basic information and concepts.

Discussion revolved around the necessity of some relationship between ourselves and the other partners in our lovers' lives. The relationship between same sex persons in any poly configuration being a key factor in the success of said configuration according to Deborah Anapole in her various books on the subject. Key factors in the development of relationships between members of the poly family around you were identified as:

1. Time to develop any kind of a relationship

2. Accessibility of the metamours to each other (less likely in a long distance scenario etc)

2. Inclination or compatibility considerations of the individuals and their relationship styles.

3. Responsibility of the linch pin (the lover who is shared) to introduce, facilitate and perhaps referree the relationship developing

4. Investment required of the metamours - (ie if the girl friend is going to be a long term hanging around the house situation then the live in partner would have greater investment in developing a friendship with her and vice versa)

5. The impact of the level of honesty in the lovers' other relationships on you as metamour and the comfort level of being everything from possibly intrusive, kind of involved to completely detached from the particulars of other relationships. (ie knowing that your partner's partner doesn't know about your relationship with her) ( ie poking at him to call her etc and vicariously participating in the courtship)

6. The poly configuration involved. A big poly inter-loving household requires much more relationship development than a network of lovers who might not ever come into social contact with each other.

7. Whether you are a primary partner or trying to relate to the primary partner or another non-living in the house partner.

Very interesting discussion.

Zoe

“One determined person can make a significant difference; a small group of determined people can change the course of history.” Sonia Johnson -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~Van Isle Polyamory http://www.vanisle-polyamory.com inclusivelyalternative.tribe.net

October Poly 101 discussion (please note a change in date for this month only)

2010-10-06T20:42:00.001-07:00

Time	Thursday, October 21 · 6:30pm - 9:30pm

Location	Camas Books corner of Kings and Quadra streets Victoria, BC



More Info	Tonight's topic will start out with a discussion on creating intimacy in poly relationships. We will also talk about poly terms, poly community, family and any other poly issues you want to discuss. Due to a scheduling conflict with another group this month, Poly 101 will be held at a different date for OCTOBER ONLY. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

School's back in!

2010-09-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

VP101 got off to a great fall start this month with several events and a new group at UVic campus, plus a stimulating discussion at Camas last night.

Poly 101 on Campus is a discussion group on ethical non-monogamy (having multiple partners and being honest about it).

We are (hurray!) an official UVic club, but anyone who's interested (need not be a UVic student) can stop by or email us (poly101oncampus@gmail.com) to get on the mailing list.

Members of VP101 attended a debate at UVic campus earlier this week; the topic: "Is monogamy natural?". While the debate itself was, unsurprisingly, academic, it did provide some useful media coverage for the idea that non-monogamous feelings are also "not unnatural" and even "ok". Yay, academia! It was fun to see the big student turnout (people sitting in the aisles and being turned away at the door) and hearing some very thoughtful questions from the audience. All in all, a fun event and one that I hope presages more discussions about non-monogamy in the future.

Finally, last night's monthly poly discussion, on the topic, "Being Single and Poly", was one of our most successful to date. I was thrilled to see a number of students from Poly 101 on Campus in attendance, as well as some old friends from the early days of VP101. After a very cool check-in, we divided into three groups of about ten people each to discuss how being single and being poly can be complimentary, sometimes confusing, and often rewarding.

One group concentrated on meticulously defining "single" -- with the help of a thesaurus, no less. They won the prize for most academic discussion, and we all appreciated the terms they came up with, the favourite being "independent".

The other groups discussed personal experiences of being poly in various states of single-ness (there are more than you might realize at first glance), including having partners but living alone, being a secondary, and taking breaks from relationships. It was generally agreed that a polyamorous relationship style can offer the the best of both worlds, allowing people the opportunity for space, personal growth and committed, partnered companionship all at the same time. Yep, we love having our cake and eating it, too!

Many thanks to everyone who came out to the discussion and I hope to see more of you in the months to come!

Poly zines

2010-09-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

Victoria Poly 101 had a great time at the Anarchist Bookfair this weekend; thanks to the volunteers who helped out at the table, passing out information, selling zines, and giving a generous amount of poly smiles away to anyone who stopped by. I also gave a brief interview for the B Channel, which had a table across from ours.

Poly zines are still available for sale, with the proceeds going towards poly events for Victoria Poly 101 in the coming year. Stop by our monthly discussion at Camas Bookstore (4th Thursday of every month at 6:30 pm) if you want to pick one up for $4.

Come visit the VP101 table at the Victoria Anarchist Bookfair this weekend!

2010-09-09T10:18:00.000-07:00


More Info	We are happy to announce the fifth year of the Victoria Anarchist Bookfair, located on unceded Songhees Territory in Victoria, British Columbia. The Bookfair is for anarchists and non-anarchists, with participants from all over North America and beyond. We seek to introduce anarchism to the public, to further elaborate upon current and historical anarchist ideals and to foster dialogue between various anarchist tendencies. Participants from different anarchist traditions, visions, and practices are welcome. Events include book and information tables, workshops, readings, films, presentations, and much more. A Festival of Anarchy will take place during the week before the Bookfair, beginning on September 3rd, 2010. We are proud to have received Monday Magazine's 'M Award' for Victoria's best literary event in 2009. It's our 5th Birthday and we're going to have a blast!

More Info

We are happy to announce the fifth year of the Victoria Anarchist Bookfair, located on unceded Songhees Territory in Victoria, British Columbia. The Bookfair is for anarchists and non-anarchists, with participants from all over North America and beyond. We seek to introduce anarchism to the public, to further elaborate upon current and historical anarchist ideals and to foster dialogue between various anarchist tendencies. Participants from different anarchist traditions, visions, and practices are welcome. Events include book and information tables, workshops, readings, films, presentations, and much more. A Festival of Anarchy will take place during the week before the Bookfair, beginning on September 3rd, 2010.

We are proud to have received Monday Magazine's 'M Award' for Victoria's best literary event in 2009.

It's our 5th Birthday and we're going to have a blast!

Next VP101 discussion: Being Single and Poly

2010-09-04T13:12:00.001-07:00

September 23 · 6:30pm - 9:30pm
Location Camas Bookstore
corner of Kings and Quadra
Victoria, BC

Are you single and poly? Dating? Simply on your own but still feel that you're poly at heart? Can you even BE poly if you're not in a relationship (or two, or three..)? What about if you're dating but don't have a primary partner? Come join us for discussion!

August Poly 101 discussion

2010-08-03T23:15:00.001-07:00

	August 26 · 6:30pm - 9:00pm

	Camas Bookstore corner of Kings and Quadra streets Victoria, BC

	What does your poly family (or your ideal poly relationship) look like? Come discuss this topic and bring any other general poly questions.

What exactly IS Poly 201?

2010-07-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

Victoria Poly 101 has been active for over a year, many of us have found the need for a second group where those of us who have been living and loving polyamorously -- and who want to discuss topics in more depth as well as contribute actively to our poly community -- can meet and talk.

Poly 201 is a place to check in about "living" polyamory, discuss concerns, receive feedback, and celebrate happiness. Discussions will be in depth, sometimes being quite specific, and facilitation will vary within the group.

There is a Facebook group and everyone is welcome to attend discussions, but please remember that if you are new to or simply curious about polyamory, you may wish to attend a few Poly 101 meetings first to talk about "the basics" and get to know our community. :)

Poly 201 meets monthly, on the 3rd Wednesday of the month, at Cabin 12 in Victoria, BC at 6 pm.

Upcoming Summer VP101 & related poly events in and around Victoria

2010-07-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

Please check the Victoria Poly 101 Facebook group regulary (or better yet, join up!) for more information on these and other poly related events...

Beacon Hill Bandshell B Movie Festival Poly moviedatenights

August 6 at 9:00pm - August 28 at 11:00pm
Location Beacon Hill Park, Bandshell
Created By
Victoria Poly 101
Come early (8 pm) to get good seats and bring folding chairs and blankets and snacks. :)

***************************

poly peeps camp out

July 30 at 5:00pm - August 2 at 12:00pm
Location goldstream park group site
Bring your camping gear and your wienies, we're going camping!

The group site at Goldstream provincial park (17kms from Victoria) is booked for us on the August long weekend. It's situated in amongst the trees of the rain forest and is near some lovely hikes. There are beautiful streams and rivers to swim in and large cedars and waterfalls to gaze at too.

This is meant to be a time to kick back in the sun and warmth of summer, and relax. Their will be lots of chats and eating of *smores* around the group camp fire and activities will be self motivated. There is no reason why everyone has to be poly identified... anyone who is friend/partner/relative is invited. Please invite people; the more the merrier.

The cost is about $54 per adult (based on 10 adults). If more people come, it will cost less per person! You can reserve a spot in advance by Paypal-ing $54 to Eve at stellamom@gmail.com. But if you haven't paid in advance, you can still come! Just please bring about $55 in cash to the site. Eve will figure out the exact cost per person once we have a final head count and the park's given us a final cost (based on the final head count), then she'll collect fees and issue refunds as needed.

Hope to see you there! Ya, summer is coming! :D

********************

monthly poly women's meet

August 8 · 2:30pm - 5:30pm
Location Club house at Robyn's place
Poly women's group Victoria
Come and have a drink, a treat to eat (potluck) and chat with other responsibly non-monogamous women. There is no pressure to talk in any depth about anything. What is important is that we have each other to support, get to know, and discuss whatever we like... if you have any topic of discussion that you would like to address, please let me know and I can certainly do my best to make sure it comes up.

Our monthly discussion is based on what has been our relationship experiences, what we think we could work on in our relationships and what we think has gone well for us in our relationships.

***********************

Late August Camping

August 20 at 5:00pm - August 23 at 11:00am
Location Goldstream Provintical park
Trans Canada highway, left on west shore parkway, right on Amy rd.
The family and I have booked a camp site at Goldstream for the weekend of August 20-23. Site 74 A and B. We have friends coming to visit from Alaska that are keen to meet all our friends here.

We are hoping that others will want to come and join us for the weekend. To book a campsite go to Discover Camping BC (https://secure.camis.com/Discovercamping/)

Hope to see you there! :)

Guest Column: So you're thinking of dating a mono...

2010-07-07T21:16:00.001-07:00

Here is a post written by a good friend of mine who is monogamous and also dating a poly. I had to nod my head, even while I chuckled at this...

So you are thinking of dating a mono?

Here’s one mono person’s perspective on some basic tips to make an informed decision.

First ask yourself why would you do this in the first place. I mean Jeezuz, you’ve read the stories on here…now go smack yourself and find a Poly!…kidding, kidding.

Are you hoping to convert the mono? Some people are conditioned to be monogamous and will welcome a different approach to relationships, others are hard wired for it and will generate more red tape then the government at tax time.

Have you fallen in love with them and are willing to take on a huge challenge? Seriously, snake charming and croc wrestling might seem easier after going down this road.

Are you open poly or the poly-fi sort of person? (this is a biggy, so be honest and up front right away)

What are your relationship goals? Looking to build a network of romances, wanting a long-term partner to share life with, just want to roll in the hay occasionally…that sort of thing. (Science has proven that a mono can in fact roll just as well as a poly given the right consistency of hay)

Next ask your potential mono partner a few basic questions.

What are their relationship goals. It doesn’t have to be their expectations until death, but at least realistic. This will protect both of you. Believe it or not, some mono people will prey on the loving nature of Poly people to achieve another sexual conquest…because it’s all about sex….KIDDING! These types would be great for a friend with benefits or one night stand but could hurt you deeply if you fall for them. On the flip side, if they are looking for an inevitable traditional marriage or family you don’t want to give false hope. Monos can be really whiny when you switch things up on them.

Have they had other substantial relationships before? Poly experience would be great but the essential experience of being with another mono is paramount. Otherwise they will probably suffer the “grass is greener” syndrome. Signs of this syndrome include saying “fuck this shit”, “what the fuck am I doing” and “I wish I was Cinderella”. (This last one even scares the shit out of monos!)

So, why is identifying what poly means to you important? Some people have found poly through the love of one additional person. The multiple nature of this relationship is specific to include an individual and not out of pursuing a “way of loving”. This is a much more stable and adaptive situation for a mono in my opinion. Yes, they will be sharing their partner with another or perhaps established others, but they have a sense of calm and stability that monos crave like a single scoop of vanilla icecream!
In an open relationship ("Poly with a chance of more balls" ….there’s a book and movie out..ohhh wait now, that’s not the title..my bad) the constant thought of when and who will be entering your life, and therefore their life, will be a damaging drain on most monos.
Don’t assume that the mono will understand your approach to poly. Explain it to them…slowly, like your talking to some one in a foreign country who will ultimately wonder what is wrong with you. Speed it up damn it! You’re English is still English!

So there you have it…tips to date a mono in a nutshell…ok, maybe two nutshells. But not four or six or whatever other number of nutshells..just two.

Marching with Pride in Victoria

2010-07-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

Photo credit: Qué Mini-Mite Banh, 2010

Victoria Poly 101 attracted some attention at Pride Day, 2010 in Victoria, BC. We looked great -- especially our pretty banner! Thank you all for helping to organize, for marching, and for supporting poly pride -- see you next year!

July Poly Discussion

2010-07-05T09:26:00.001-07:00

Victoria Poly 101 monthly discussion

Date:	Thursday, July 22, 2010
Time:	6:30pm - 9:30pm
Location:	Camas Bookstore
Street:	corner of Kings and Quadra streets
City/Town:	Victoria, BC

Description

This month's discussion will be more general -- come with questions or ideas about polyamory to share with the group. We will probably spend part of the time discussing poly in smaller groups of 5 or 6 people, depending on turnout.

See you there!

June Poly 101 discussion: Poly and Queer!

2010-05-31T22:06:00.000-07:00

Poly 101 discussion: Poly & Queer!

Date:	Thursday, June 24, 2010
Time:	6:30pm - 9:30pm
Location:	Camas Bookstore
Street:	corner of Kings and Quadra streets
City/Town:	Victoria, BC

Description

In honour of Pride this month, VP101 will be hosting a much-requested discussion topic about polyamory and queerness. Remember, you do not have to be poly OR queer to come and participate! :)

Some topic discussion ideas:

- dating challenges specific to same-sex & poly relationships
- being poly in a homosexual/heterosexual culture - how acceptable is it?
- thoughts on bisexuality, pansexuality, or heteroflexibility
- "outness" as queer/ poly
- what words do you prefer to use to describe your sexual orientation? (ie. queer, bi, gay, lesbian, noneoftheabove... )

We need your opinion!

2010-05-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

Policy consultations: going interactive

The Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association is creating policy statements, and we need to hear from the polyamorous community.

We know Canada’s polyamorists don’t want to be criminalized. We don’t know what else they believe. We need to create a “platform” for the CPAA: positions beyond the Section 293 litigation, as well as positions that my influence how we conduct that case.

We’ve just activated our new forum system. There are forums for several policy concerns. Some of them are subjects we discuss a lot among ourselves. To get everybody else talking, too, we’ve put up some preliminary draft position statements. To keep everybody focused, we’ll open them for discussion one by one.

We’re starting with our “fundamental position”. We believe it should probably be along the lines that monogamy and polyamory should be treated equally. Tell us what you think!

The statements in the forums are very early drafts, not adopted by the CPAA, sometimes controversial among our volunteers, possibly full of mistakes, and definitely subject to change. We’re inviting comment now, early in the process, because we’re committed to hearing from those we represent. To do that, we have to give you raw drafts; if we had polished, finished statements, it would be a show, not a consultation. Please remember that these are not our positions; they’re just suggestions from some of our volunteers.

It’s possible we’ve missed some issues. If so, let us know. The best way to do that is to post in one of the forums we’ve set up for feedback about the CPAA. By the way, we’ve set up forums for feedback about the CPAA.

www.polyadvocacy.ca

Zoe
Director
Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association

New blog by Deborah Anapol on Psychology Today!

2010-05-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

Deborah Anapol, author of The New Love Without Limits (one of the poly books I recommended last year on this blog) will be writing a blog for Psychology Today. This is pretty high profile for polyamory, and judging by Deborah's other writing, will be well-worth the read.

Next Poly 101 discussion

2010-05-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Time:

6:30pm - 9:30pm

Location:

Camas Bookstore

Street:

corner of Kings and Quadra

City/Town:

Victoria, BC

Love, sex and ethics in polyamory

How do we communicate about love, sexual boundaries and desires, and ethical poly behaviour? Discuss these topics and try some group exercises in communication this month at VP101!

**LOGO CONTEST**

Submit your Victoria Poly 101 logos before May 27th so we can choose our new logo at this month's discussion! Prizes will be awarded!

Nanaimo Poly 101

2010-04-30T18:40:00.003-07:00

Hi Nanaimo (and north Island) poly folks,

I am making a trip to your neighbourhood next week and will be hosting poly 101 for you on May 6th, 7 pm, downstairs of Acme on 14 Commercial St., Nanaimo. The booking is under my name (Kiki) and we are hoping for at least 15 people, so come on out and talk about poly with us!

There will, of course, be a parrot on the table... ;)

Through the Poly Looking Glass, and looking back at the world...

2010-04-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

My friend Juliette* lives in Spain, and facilitates a poly group there. I live in Canada, and do the same. Sometimes, I'm struck by how similar our experiences of poly are, even though we're half a world apart. Human feelings are indeed universal, including weird ones like how isolating it can feel to be someone who doesn't mind sharing a partner with other people.

Some days, I feel like I've gone through the looking glass of polyamory to the other side, and everything I see through that filter is somehow reversed, with jealousy becoming compersion and scarcity, abundance. While it's pretty cool to feel some of these good things, it's also odd to see how many people don't really "get" it. I can see their faces looking confused or afraid or hurt, but again... I'm on the other side of the glass.

Anyway, here's what Juliette wrote in her journal that made me think about this:

Sometimes I feel like I'm living on such a different plane of existence from the rest of humanity that I lose my ability to explain it.

Last night I went to brush my teeth before going to bed, and I heard Roland and Laurel making love. It didn't affect me at all. I did think about the fact that to many people, this would be Total Freakout Territory. We recently had a Facebook conversation with a friend who believes, like many, that jealousy is absolutely unavoidable and the best we can do is repress it somewhat. I didn't feel any jealousy at all. In fact, Roland and I had had great sex the day before, so why would I be bothered? I also didn't feel the "compersive joy" I read about many poly people feeling, that joy in your partner's joy. I remained focused, without effort, on brushing my teeth. Which leads to the other common argument we hear often, which is that poly people are unfeeling and don't really care deeply about anything or anyone. Sheesh, anyone who knows me knows my devotion to Laurel, Roland, and Maya knows no bounds whatsoever. So on the one had we have those who insist I am suffering in silence, repressing my jealousy, and on the other hand we have those saying I "just haven't found true love" so I don't really care about them anyway.

Not that I care what people say about me, but I do ponder my role in society. I don't want to stay silent, like so many insist we should, just quietly living our lives, because I have had too many people over the years tell me they were truly helped by our letting them know they weren't the only ones who felt and lived this way. But speaking up is getting harder and harder, because I can relate less and less to my original ways of thinking. I used to be quite proud of being able to help people bridge the gap between two worlds.

Lately I just feel like I am from another world altogether, and I don't even know where to begin.

So yeah, I can relate to this feeling of being in a different world from the majority of the population. Sometimes I even feel this way around other poly people, particularly ones who are new and tentative to the joys and challenges of opening up their hearts and minds and lives to sharing relationships in a whole new way. On the other hand, I also get irritated with people who think polyamory is some sort of higher evolution in relationships. I think you can be just as giving and loving and caring and open without feeling the need or desire to share partners. I strongly suspect that celibate monks and lamas would be laughing at us if we tried to put in a claim for enlightenment simply because we're ok with hearing our boyfriends and girlfriends having sex with other people.

In the end, what I find most difficult and at the same time most rewarding is the journey I'm on. I have to remind myself that it's my journey, and therefore unique. If I can find joy in places other people cannot, then that is a gift to be treasured. The challenges I've dealth with have changed over time since I decided to make polyamory a part of my life. I no longer struggle with simple jealousy or feelings of low self esteem when a partner is with another lover. As my challenges have deepened and become more complex -- like relating to the society I live in and the world at large -- so have my rewards become richer and deeper, and I suppose I simply have to trust that this will continue in a process of growth.

Still... sometimes I wish there were a few more of us around, if only to share cuddles with. :)

*Juliette's Spanish poly group website can be found here: http://www.poliamor.net/contenido/index.php

Poly Survey for Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association

2010-04-11T13:46:00.001-07:00

The Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association (CPAA) is doing a short survey on polyamorous households in Canada where 3 OR MORE ADULTS ARE LIVING OR HAVE LIVED TOGETHER in a form of "conjugal union".

The CPAA intends to use this information to give Canadian courts and governments information about the number and type of polyamorous Canadian households. For more information on current litigation and the CPAA, please read our website at http://polyadvocacy.ca.
---------------------------------------
The survey is located at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/XT8PM82

5 required questions. Approximately 4 minutes.
(Total: 15 questions. Approximately 10 minutes.)
Ending date of survey: May 7, 2010
PLEASE TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THIS SURVEY!! (even if they don't call themselves "polyamorous")

"polyamory exists everywhere"

2010-04-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

In February I gave a workshop at the Queer University Services conference at UVic. It was well-attended and several students recorded the workshop. Here's an article that resulted from that afternoon:

Cherry on top: all you need is (a lot of) love

VP101 Logo Contest!

2010-03-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

Now that we're a year old and hotter than ever, I figure it's time we had a logo (and maybe a secret handshake). So... I'd like to announce the official Victoria Poly 101 Logo Contest!

I encourage you to creatively include something from Victoria as well as polyamory, and to try to make something that looks good in one colour (I know, I know.. MONOchrome, sigh) but you can also submit colour versions. ;)

Please send your submissions to me, kikichristie@gmail.com, no later than April 30th, 2010.

I will award appropriate prizes to the winner and first two runners-up at the May VP101 meet on May 27, 6:30 pm at Camas.

We'd look great wearing VP101 shirts or waving flags at Pride, no? :)

Poly Love Letter

2010-03-08T16:41:00.001-08:00

Dear Aspiring Poly Person,

I know this is a giddy, confusing and sometimes scary time for you. As someone who has already been there, I want to congratulate you on the things you're really good at.

Thank you for asking lots of questions -- even if you think they're stupid, obvious, or that others might laugh at you. These are the questions everyone else wants to ask, but is afraid to, so way to go.

Thank you for not assuming anything about the way I love people, how much I love people, or why I'm poly. Also thank you for not requiring that everyone hold the same definition of poly as you, and for not feeling threatened when they define it differently.

Thank you for your honesty. REALLY, thank you for this. I can't thank you enough, actually.

Thank you for not assuming all poly people are sluts. Thank you for not assuming all poly people don't approve of casual sex.

Thank you for telling me that your partner is having trouble dealing with the idea of poly, and is feeling way too jealous right now for you to have another relationship. Thank you especially for telling me this before we spent intimate time together and long before I fell in love with you and had to deal with being pushed away and made to feel guilty for wanting some of your affection.

Thank you for seeing that poly is as much about learning about yourself as it is learning about other people, for seeing that it's as much about dealing with being alone as it is enjoying being surrounded by loving partners, and for realizing that while compersion is nice, it's not the holy grail of poly, and for not beating yourself up if you don't always feel it.

Finally, thank you for listening. After all, no one can have a meaningful conversation if everyone always does the talking.

Love,

A Real Live (poly) Person

March Victoria Poly Women's group meeting

2010-03-02T14:16:00.000-08:00

Date:	Sunday, March 7, 2010
Time:	2:00pm - 5:00pm
Location:	880 Vernon, club house.

Description

Come and have a drink and chat with other non-monogamous women. There is no pressure to talk in any depth about anything. What is important is that we have each other to support, get to know, and discuss whatever we like.

Email or comment here for more info. on location (there is a Facebook group you can join)!

Creating Poly Community & a Wish for 2010

2010-03-01T12:24:00.001-08:00

The topic of poly community has been a hot one recently, both in the media and among my friends and acquaintances here in British Columbia. As a networker and someone who enjoys getting people together (I need very little excuse to do this, btw -- a good dinner will suffice!) facilitating the growth of poly community poses challenges and also rewards for me and my fellow poly organizers. Learning as I go along, I've gotten to thinking about what keeps a community strong yet flexible enough to accommodate change.

I started up the Victoria Poly 101 discussions as a way to both meet people who were interested in responsible, honest, multi-partnered relationships and as a way to help provide information about this relationship choice. What I didn't expect when I started hosting meets was the overwhelming sense of "community" that would grow between the very diverse members of the group which gathered every month to discuss a rather limited topic.

This got me thinking about the role of diversity within communities, and how it can lend strength if it exists in the right proportion to the sharing of a common goal or interest. While VP101 is a diverse group, it's also becoming a strong community -- one that shares the goal of self-exploration and growth as well as learning about what it means to be polyamorous. Learning about ourselves, no matter how diverse we may be, is the other common thread in our community, and this, more than any other shared passion, is what keeps our diverse group going strong. After all, there are (as we are fond of saying in all our discussions) as many ways to be or practice poly as there are people.

I want to thank every person who has come out to a Poly 101 meet in the past year -- each of you has contributed a unique and strong piece to the larger puzzle of our ever-changing community. As we continue to grow and change as individuals and as a group, I think we can feel confident it will always provide a place to explore not only the challenges of different relationship structures, but a haven for the diverse, the loving, and the courageous of our community at large.

Happy 2010!

~Kiki

March VP101 discussion: jealousy, compersion and more...

2010-03-01T12:04:00.000-08:00

With this discussion we're getting back to poly basics to talk about feelings of jealousy, compersion, and how to deal with our own feelings and those of others. Self-knowledge and feeling good about ourselves is a big part of good relationships, but how do we get to that point?

Please come to discuss and share, if you like, your own stories about your feelings and experiences of polyamory.

Note: we will continue to hold Poly 101 discussions at Camas Bookstore until May, 2010, but stay tuned for an alternate discussion venue in March/April

Victoria Poly 101 monthly discussion

"Jealousy, comperson feeling good about yourself and your relationships"

Time:6:30PM Thursday, March 25th

Location:Camas Bookstore, corner of Kings and Quadra streets

CPAA update: Intervenor status granted!

2010-02-19T10:30:00.000-08:00

The Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association (CPAA) is pleased to be able to say that on Tuesday, February 16, 2010, the BC Supreme Court agreed that it would hear the evidence and arguments of the CPAA when the Court considers the reference questions put to it by the BC government about the constitutionality of Canada's "anti-polygamy" law (s. 293, Criminal Code). This means that the court will hear the CPAA's evidence and arguments about how s. 293 breaches the charter rights of polyamorous Canadians: S 293 says that it is a criminal offence to live in a marriage-like ("conjugal") relationship involving more than 2 people.

Other groups who were granted the same status as "interested persons" are British Columbia Civil Liberties Association; Beyond Borders: Ensuring Global Justice for Children; British Columbia Teachers’ Federation; Canadian Association for Free Expression; Canadian Coalition for the Rights of Children, jointly with David Asper Centre for Constitutional Rights; Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association; Catholic Organization for Life and Family, jointly with Knights of Columbus, BC and Yukon Chapter; Christian Legal Fellowship; Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and James Oler in his capacity as Bishop of the FLDS; REAL Women of Canada; Stop Polygamy in Canada; and West Coast Women’s Legal Education & Action Fund. Mr. Blackmore's application for "party" status will be heard later. The Government of Canada and of British Columbia are parties to the litigation.

The first round of evidence is due in court in early June, with further evidence due in July and September.

** Check out the CPAA's facebook page: www.facebook.com/polyadvocacy

February VP101 discussion

2010-01-30T11:26:00.001-08:00

VP101 February discussion: the In's and Out's of Poly Love

How do you love your Poly Valentine?

Host:	Victoria Poly 101

Date:	Thursday, February 25, 2010
Time:	6:30pm - 9:30pm
Location:	Camas Bookstore
Street:	corner of Kings and Quadra

Description

Polyamory means "many loves", but how, exactly do we express and define the love we feel for more than one intimate partner? How is this the same or different from the love we feel for other family members? How important is sex to the expression of love?

Come discuss what love means within the context of poly, ideally and practically.

Upcoming Victoria book launch

2010-01-29T19:55:00.000-08:00

Who's Your Daddy book launch

Date:	Saturday, February 6, 2010
Time:	3:30pm - 5:30pm
Location:	Michel Pujol Room, Student Union Building (SUB), University of Victoria

Description

Who's Your Daddy is a groundbreaking collection of writings from queer parents, parents-to-be, writers, academics, lawyers, activists and queer spawn.

Come join the author Rachel Epstein and mingle with students, writers and members of Victoria's queer community. Books available for purchase. This event is being hosted by UVic Pride's Canadian University Queer Services Conference (Feb. 5-7, 2010).

Cost: donation of $3-6 (sliding scale)

Call 250-483-5943 for more information.

Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association Press Release

2010-01-28T13:11:00.000-08:00

For Immediate Release

Polyamorists Announce Court Application

VANCOUVER -- January 28, 2010 -- Members of Canada's polyamory community have applied to become an intervener in the B.C. government's challenge of section 293 of the Criminal Code of Canada -- Canada's anti-polygamy law. The application, filed in BC Supreme Court yesterday, is on behalf of the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association (CPAA).

Polyamory, sometimes referred to as responsible or ethical non-monogamy, is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the consent of everyone involved. Section 293 forbids both polygamy and any kind of conjugal union with more than one person at the same time and as such infringes on people's ability to practice polyamory if the relationships involve cohabitation.

"We believe that people should be free to practice polyamory free of any criminal liability, and that the Charter of Rights gives Canadians such freedom," said CPAA legal counsel, John Ince.

"It is not appropriate for a law which prohibits loving, committed, consensual relationships to remain on the books, even if it not presently being enforced," Ince continued.

Newsweek Magazine recently reported that polyamory is a thriving phenomenon in the United States, with over half a million families openly living in relationships that are between multiple consenting partners.¹ Polyamory is also a thriving phenomenon in Canada.

The CPAA, whose purpose is to promote legal, social, government, and institutional acceptance and support of polyamory in Canada, has called for people who practice a polyamorous lifestyle to step forward as potential witnesses, particularly if they are cohabiting with multiple partners.

"Trudeau once famously said 'there is no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation'. Similarly, we believe that there is no place for the state in the kitchens and the front rooms of the nation," said Zoe Duff, CPAA spokesperson.

"Adult women and men should be able to choose what form of intimate relationship they enter into and with whom they want to share their lives, even if it is more than one person," Duff continued.

Polyamory contrasts with "patriarchal polygamy" practiced in religious communities such as Bountiful, B.C. where men have the right to marry or live with several women, but women have no right to marry or live with several men. Polyamory, on the other hand, is grounded in gender equality, self-determination, and free choice for all involved.

If the issues at communities such as Bountiful are alleged abuse (for example: the abuse of minors, abuse of authority, and marriages that are under age), the abuses should be prosecuted using existing laws that address such abuses.

The CPAA anticipates that his matter may go to the Supreme Court of Canada.

Creating safe and respectful discussion space

2010-01-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

Ok, listen up, y'all,

It's the beginning of VP101's second year in existence as a poly discussion/information/support group and I for one am giving a BIG cheer for how awesome we were in 2009!

One of the things I'm most proud of is that we have been able to create a space for people of all ages, from diverse backgrounds, relationship preferences, gender identifications and tastes in clothing (ok, just had to throw that in there because of the poly pants joke.. ) to meet, discuss and support each other in the exploration of ethical relationship dynamics.

That said, I know there are quite a few new members (yay, welcome new members!!) who perhaps aren't accustomed to being in such an open, non-judgmental space and are unsure of how this works. So.. as my first poly service announcement of the year, I want to go over my very few but firm facilitator rules for poly discussion:

1. What is said in the room stays in the room, no exceptions unless you have explicit permission from the person speaking to discuss what they said with others.

2. Listen respectfully to what everyone has to say. Agreement is not necessary, respect is essential.

3. VP101 discussions (4th Thursday of the month) are not dating meetups. If you wish to pursue a social connection with someone at the meet, please wait until after it's over to do so.

While VP101 social events (we have started having one of these a month) are less strict about rule number three, please be aware that anyone soliciting attention in a disrespectful manner will be asked to stop, and possibly asked by the host to leave if they are making other people uncomfortable. Please refer to rule number two about respect. There are poly dating groups in town and I'd be happy to let you know when they're happening if you want to attend a mixer!

One of the aspects about being polyamorous is that people tend to form relationships and date within our community. Something I greatly admire is the ability of poly community members to rise above the desire to engage in "high school" drama and politics when dealing with former partners who are members of the group. While you may not wish to attend a social event because your ex is there, please do not feel you cannot attend a discussion for this reason. Your facilitator has a zero tolerance policy for drama during discussions.

Please remember that there is no *right* way to practice polyamory. Let's honour the qualities of respect, honesty, communication and compassion which we have so successfully nurtured in our discussions this past year. We are, in case you weren't aware, a shining example to other poly groups in BC and in North America.

Way to go, folks! Looking forward to celebrating your awesomeness on January 28th.

Polyishly yours,
Kiki

Update on the legal situation in British Columbia as it pertains to practicing polyamory

2010-01-04T12:05:00.000-08:00

In December, 2009, the BC Supreme Court agreed to answer a reference question put to it by the provincial Attorney General as to whether Canada's Criminal Code s. 293 is inconsistent with the Charter of Rights. That section makes it illegal for more than two people to be in a conjugal relationship, whether formally married or not, and carries a 5 year sentence. It also similarly criminalizes anyone else celebrating or assisting in a rite involving a multiple conjugal union or marriage.

The section was originally (1890's) aimed at Mormon polygamists and there is social pressure in British Columbia to again apply the section to the Mormon subsect of polygamists in Bountiful BC to address alleged abuses going on there.

While only one person has ever been found guilty under s. 293 (over 100 years ago, an aboriginal man), and only one person has been charged (unsuccessfully) under that section in the last 100 years, the fact that the section is there affects how polyamorists conduct their lives. It also affects other aspects of government policy, including immigration laws.

In response to the pending litigation, Vanpoly moderators and members have started an ad hoc working group to intervene in the litigation to present the case of polyamorists as to whether the section infringes Charter rights. We put out notices to various Canadian poly yahoo lists requesting potential witnesses who could attest that they are living in multiple conjugal relationships. We have been contacted by some poly families interested in acting as potential witnesses, though we are still interested in hearing from you if you are interested (please email cchanteuse@yahoo.com for details). We have been joined on the working group by fellow polyamorists and moderators from VanIsle Poly and from Montreal and are now working on forming a Society, tentatively named the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association, and preparing the formal documents for the application to court. These documents are due into court on January 28, 2010.

We will keep you posted as things progress.

Carol (Vanpoly moderator and ad hoc working group member)

Happy Poly New Year!

2010-01-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

Victoria Women's Poly Group - first meeting

2010-01-01T10:41:00.000-08:00

My friend Megh is hosting a very informal women's poly meet this Sunday here in Victoria. Come for coffee and chat! (Look for the parrot on the table... ) ;)

Date:	Sunday, January 3, 2010
Time:	2:00pm - 4:00pm
Location:	Discovery Coffee, 664, Discovery Street. Across from Paul's Motor Inn. We thought it would be great for women who identify as polyamorous or the like to hang out together sometimes... perhaps monthly. I for one would welcome support and would be a willing listener and supporter of other women also. I don't know if we need to be formal about that, but just see where it goes and what comes out of getting us all together.

Guest post: Poly-Mono Judgment

2009-12-28T11:08:00.000-08:00

A member of VP101 recently posted this to her blog, and I was impressed with its clarity and fairness. I asked her if I could re-post it here:

An acquaintance of mine recently complained in her blog about the judging that goes on between monogamous and polyamorous folks, with mono people calling poly people sluts and poly people calling mono people selfish and unenlightened.

In general, I find refreshingly little of this among both the mono & poly people I hang out with IRL. Mostly when I see it, it’s online. (‘Course I also think my mono friends who judge me have just quietly dropped out of my life rather than confront me with their opinions. Which is too bad, because I would have liked a chance to discuss it with them—but it’s their choice.)

I think the whole thing probably stems from envy, fear of judgement or insecurity about people’s own choices. For example, it seems to me that the monogamous people who are most judgemental about poly people are those who either can’t find stable relationships for themselves or have been making themselves miserable trying to maintain long-term, committed monogamous relationships that aren’t making them happy, and have convinced themselves that being unhappy to preserve a relationship makes them more noble (oh, and do poly people ever do this too!). And a lot of poly people do face a hell of a lot of judgement from people in monogamous society (and frankly, that judgement often gets a lot uglier than what poly people lay on mono people), and they can get pretty insecure and defensive. Convincing yourself that you’re superior can be one way to help deal with that.

I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding, too, about what people are really saying. I’ve seen exchanges along these lines:

Mono Person: You, Poly Person, are selfish for wanting more than one partner.

Poly Person: What does selfishness have to do with it? I could just as easily say you are selfish for wanting to keep one partner all to yourself.

Mono Person: How dare you call me selfish?!

Now Poly Person didn’t actually call Mono Person selfish, but was trying to point out that the “selfish” label is subjective and can be applied in either case depending on how you look at it—or depending on the behaviour of the particular mono or poly person—and is therefore useless as a generic label. But Mono Person interpreted it as a judgement on them (perhaps because Poly Person, already in defensive mode, failed to phrase their reply as delicately or eloquently as they could or should have).

(Note that I had Mono Person start the exchange and Poly Person be the more reasonable one because I recently saw almost this exact exchange in a comment thread about a poly documentary, not because I think Mono Person would be less reasonable by default. The same discussion could easily go the other way.)

I can also say with complete honesty that I would have totally failed at polyamory ten or even five years ago because of a lot of unresolved insecurities, and that the work I’ve had to do on myself is what’s made me successful at it now. I can say the same for my husband, and I would venture similar predictions for certain other people I know who I think are poly but just haven’t reached a place in themselves or their lives where they can live that openly (as distinguished from my perfectly happy & secure and truly monogamous friends). So while I’m more secure, less selfish, and perhaps a tiny bit more enlightened than I used to be, and that’s part of what makes poly work for me, that doesn’t mean that I’m more of any of those things than someone else, who may be perfectly happy being monogamous. But if I say that working on my insecurities and selfishness has made me a better poly person, an insecure mono person could interpret that as saying they haven’t done equal work, when in fact, doing the same work would just make them better at being monogamous.

There’s also the issue of people who are mono or poly pretending or trying to be something they’re not, in which case a suggestion that they need to do some soul-searching may be in order. For example, someone who’s really poly, but who either doesn’t know that’s a real option or who says, “I would love to do that, but I’m too jealous/selfish/insecure/afraid/whatever,” can cause a lot of pain to themselves and other people in trying to have monogamous relationships and making themselves and their partner miserable. In those cases, I think it’s fair to point out (in a compassionate and friendly way) that they—and their partners—may be better off in the long run if they work on the issues that keep them from being poly rather than trying to deny their poly-ness. On the other hand, there are monogamous people who stay in poly relationships that don’t make them happy, because they’re afraid to lose a poly partner who they love, or they hope their partner will someday become mono, or they think philosophically they’d be somehow better if they were poly. They probably have some things to figure out, too. And to further confuse matters, there are emotionally monogamous swingers who try to be poly because they can’t admit they just want casual sex, and they also hurt themselves and other people—and maybe also deserve a kick in the pants to get them to ‘fess up to what they really want or need. But—in an online forum in particular—a response about the individual behaviour of any one of these people is likely to be interpreted as an overarching judgement on all people of that “type,” at least if the speaker/writer is a poor communicator (or prone to generalizations), or the listener/reader is inclined toward defensiveness and starting flame wars.

Anyway, I’ve seen pretty much equal amounts of selfishness, sluttiness and enlightenment among both mono and poly people. (Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with being a slut, mind you.)

And then there are the young ‘uns, who are convinced no matter what that their choices—whether they involve veganism or born-again Christianity or polyamory—are the only right ones, period. (Not that I’ve ever been like that, of course.) For them, all we can really do is model patience and tolerance and wait for them to grow up.

VP101 is one year old! Come celebrate...

2009-12-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

Let's have our cake & eat it, too! ;)

Come learn about polyamory, discuss experiences and the meaning of ethical, open, multiple relationships.

Celebrate our one year anniversary of Victoria Poly 101! Bring snacks to share if you like, a good story, a willing ear, and an open heart. ♥

Date:
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Time:
6:30pm - 9:30pm
Location:
Camas Bookstore
Street:
corner of Kings and Quadra
City/Town:
Victoria, BC

Call for Intervenors in BC court case affecting polyamorous people

2009-12-02T19:02:00.000-08:00

November 13, 2009

Court case: Upcoming BC Government's Court Reference on the Criminalization of Polygamy and Group Marriages

The BC government will shortly put a question to the Court to test the constitutionality of section 293 of the Criminal Code of Canada which criminalizes people who practice polygamy or enter into any kind of "conjugal union" (i.e. a common-law marriage) with more than one person at the same time. Intervenors will have as little as 3 weeks to respond with court applications and affidavits.

It is important that polyamorists who are interested in being married to more than one person, or are living with more than one person, make the court aware of their interests and the legal arguments that the law is unconstitutional, because it infringes their Canadian Charter rights of association, religion (i.e. Wiccan or Pagan), equality, and the life, liberty and security of the person. It is not appropriate for a law which criminalizes loving, committed, consensual relationships to remain on the books, even if it not presently being enforced. The more polyamorous interveners there are, the more strongly the court will hear this position.

PLEASE ENSURE THAT THIS EMAIL IS PLACED ASAP TO ALL OTHER CANADIAN POLYAMOROUS GROUPS AND LISTS TO WHICH YOU BELONG.

Who are we?

We are individual members of the Vancouver polyamory community and are active members or coordinators in Vanpoly (www.vanpoly.ca), who have joined together to coordinate an intervention by polyamorists so that the court can hear our stories and arguments. We have experience in organizing politically and legally. One of our members has offered to act as pro bono legal counsel and has successful experience in mounting constitutional challenges to Canada's criminal code. We are also liaising with other civil and legal rights groups who are also following the BC government closely in this matter.

What are the steps in the process?

First, and as soon as possible, we need to identify potential intervenors and get their stories. When the government asks the court about the legality of this legislation, we want to be ready to finalize the sworn statements of intervenors and apply to the court within the 3 week period. If our application to the court is accepted, we will then prepare legal arguments in support of the above position that it is not appropriate for a law which criminalizes loving, committed, consentual relationships to remain on the books. It is expected that this process will need to go very quickly.

Qualifications of an Intervenor

We are in immediate need of identifying as many potential intervenors as possible so that polyamory can be properly represented.

If you are a Canadian Resident:

1) currently living with multiple partners in a conjugal (marital or marital-like) relationships, or

2) have engaged in polyamorous relationships either in the past or currently AND have a desire to live with multiple partners in a conjugal (marital or marital-like) relationships in the future

then we ask you to email us.

While we are interested in hearing from ALL people who fit the above criteria, we are especially interested in having at least one female in a MFF (male-female-female) grouping.

What would it mean to be an intervenor?

1. You would need to give legal counsel some facts as to your polyamorous lifestyle which would be written up in a statement, which you will be asked to swear on oath is true. This statement would be filed in court. Your name and your address along with the statements in your affidavit would then be public. However, you would NOT need to name your partners.

2. You may find that your name and other information in your affidavit is in the news. You would NOT need to speak to media or answer their questions as you could refuse to respond to any media enquiries.

3. You would NOT need to incur court costs. You would need to pay for the affidavit to be sworn if you are in a city other than Vancouver. (If this is a concern, please advise and we will look for donations toward the cost.)

Who do I contact for more information or to offer to be an intervenor?

Please email Melly at ms.mellyn@gmail.com.

Thank you for your attention to this.